My super-conservative devout Mormon parents (and society in general) have made a lot of progress toward acceptance since I first came out 11 years ago, and I’m genuinely grateful and impressed. But at the same time, I still feel a lot of hurt, and anger, and frustration at how far they (and society) still have to go. Sometimes it can be difficult to find balance between those extremes. It’s been mostly anger this week.
I’m a queer woman who has been with my female partner for almost fourteen years, a whole year longer than my mother has been with her second husband. I was BIC, and pretty much all my family on my mother’s side is still in the church, and, yeah. This is really super familiar especially that first one. My mother has denial down to a really fine art. I mean, I can actually have a relationship with her now, rather than the screaming, hostile homophobia from the early years (giving the missionaries my address every time I moved was a classy act, mum), but I just know that even though we never hide that we’re a couple, I think she’s taken the sexual and romantic elements of my partnership and put them in a steel box and welded it shut. Recently (as in, in the last year, when we’re in our thirties and been a couple since age 19), she said to my partner, “You’re a really good friend to Ruth,” which I’ve accepted is the closest I’m ever going to get to her approving of and accepting my relationship, which on the one hand, is better than me having to not take bathroom breaks when I visited in case she cornered my partner and told her all about how wicked she was and how she was ruining my chance of marriage/kids, but on the other… it’s erasure. And like any kind of erasure of identity, it really, really sucks.
knitting in the dark 