Tag: valium

Well, I deserved that

Sitting here feeling the medium-grade anxiety that is my normal, complete with hypervigilant perseveration, and thinking, y’know, I have Valium now. I’ve taken it once since being prescribed it, for a severe anxiety dream that woke me up in a panic, but I haven’t been taking it for the crap I deal with as a matter of course.

So I thought, well, I’ll draw a card first. See what it says.

I shuffled the heck out of my Wild Unknown and drew The Moon, reversed.
Which is basically the card form of saying, yeah, you have fear and anxiety, and you know they’re about illusions, not reality, BUT YOU HAVE TOOLS SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS, YOU INFANT.

So, I took a Valium.

What my decks lack in subtlety they make up for in smacking me upside the head, apparently.

Two things

Two amazing things happened yesterday

1) My replacement copy of the Wild Unknown Tarot arrived, and after checking every inch I can confirm it is P E R F E C T.

2) For the first time in my (almost) 36 years on earth, I have talked to a doctor who took my word for it that dinky breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, and talking therapy do fuck-all for my anxiety, and that I need help. So she listened, and without any drama, she gave me my first ever script for Valium. I haven’t cried yet, but every time I think about it, I feel like I’m going to. Now, next time I get a day like Saturday, I don’t have to grit my teeth and ride out the misery and hide in my house. I have something that is going to help me step back from that miasma of fear and panic and just get on with my fucking life. I’m so fucking thankful.