renovation of my building has begun in earnest. there’s two occupied apartments left on my floor, and despite there being a HUGE SIGN taped to my door that says “DO NOT DISTURB OCCUPIED” a workman decided to open it this morning. and of course this happened while I was topless and holding a sword, because why the fuck not? 🙃🙃🙃
did you defeat him in combat to retain your warriors honor
I just gave him some really intense eye contact while he backed away and shut the door. I don’t know what he was expecting, but a half-naked woman wearing llama pajama pants, glowering furiously, and holding a sword probably wasn’t it.
House Windsor: Take note. A challenger approaches.
Schoolgirl discovers ‘Excalibur’ sword in lake from Arthur legend
A schoolgirl will have quite a story to tell when she returns to the classroom – after discovering a sword in the same lake King Arthur’s legendary Excalibur was thrown.
Matilda Jones, aged seven, from Doncaster, found the sword when she was paddling in Dozmary Pool, in Cornwall with her dad, Paul.
Paul, aged 51, had told Matilda and her sister Lois, four, about the legend of King Arthur on their journey to the lake.
He said: “It was a blistering hot day and Matilda asked if we could go for a paddle.
“She was only waist deep when she said she could see a sword.
“Strange women lyin’ in ponds…” and other Dennis the Anarcho-cynical (not a typo) Mud-Farmer quotes notwithstanding, I’d like to think the Lady of the Lake would select the new “Rightwise King(Monarch) Born of All England” by providing something better than a mass-produced and discontinued Spanish SLO.
Maybe this was a trial (though not dry) run – if so, Matilda and her Dad should get back to Cornwall / Kernow ASAP.
Although
on second thoughts, last time a Matilda laid claim to the English
throne there was civil war and anarchy. In fact there was THE Anarchy, which made for a good novel by George Shipway (”Knight in Anarchy”, what a surprise) but by all accounts wasn’t a lot of fun otherwise.
(The “rightwise king born of all England” business was on the Sword in the Stone (and anvil, everyone forgets the anvil) which apparently wasn’t Excalibur at all. A war memorial, perhaps, as T. H. White suggested. What the Lady of the Lake was waving about was a different sword entirely, and the really important bit was its scabbard, which granted invulnerability, or undefeatability, or a reliable broadband signal 24/7…)
Maybe the one in Dozmary Pool was lost during some Arthurian re-enactment – or maybe it was deliberately chucked away by someone who’d hoped for something better on their birthday, because when I saw what Matilda found…
…I recognised it as this…
…from here.
Noble Collection sells movie merchandise nowadays, but back then they sold decorative wall-hangers (SLOs – sword-like objects – is the less kindly term) made by Marto of Toledo among others, with frequently-spiky fantasy blades, ornate cast pot-metal handles and ooh-shiny! gold plating. However their version of “Excalibur" – it’s there on the cover – looked sensible enough to feature in the TV movie “The Librarian”.
Though the catalogue calls the
sword found by Matilda
a “medieval two handed sword” it’s based, more or less, on a Renaissance “Federschwert” sparring blunt (the flare above the guard was balance-compensation for not having a full-width blade.)
Here’s a real one.
Not especially Arthurian, whether Arthur was Clive Owen’s Romano-Sarmatian, Oliver Tobias’s Dark Age Celt or Nigel Terry’s High Middle Ages Anglo-Brit.
Apparently there are now also synthetic Federschwert from various sources.
At least they won’t rust when chucked into ponds. The Lady of the Lake likes low maintenance as much as anyone else…
…A little while before dinnertime this groan of “Oh, GAWD” came
from upstairs. Then the sounds of the bookshelves being ransacked, and
more mutters of “Why couldn’t it have been something nice in the water for her…”
(sigh) Another day in Sword Central.
sword tumblr lies sleeping beneath the hills, awaiting a time of great need
listen i’m not out to ruin fun and jokes by reblogging this version, i’m mostly just impressed that someone recognized this one specific manufacture of a prop sword
knitting in the dark 