Like, his plane went down *somewhere* and wasn’t found for 70 years. There had to be some Amelia Earhart type people who believed that he landed in Newfoundland and was a cod fisherman that knew their grandpappy.
Ever few years someone would find some scrap metal on a sandbar in the North Atlantic and there would be a flurry of analysis and 14 hours of CNN coverage trying to figure out if THIS is where Cap died.
There are undated, blurry pictures of a tall, jacked blond man in Germany because Cap NEVER LEFT! He became Nikita Kruschev! He was Laika!
A water landing is most likely, and some people have stories about a malnourished man who washed up in Wales in the 40s who quietly raised goats with his giant muscles.
Maybe he was DB Cooper?
And then, in 2012 or whatever, they find his plane and he’s not only IN it, he’s alive?? The conspiracy nuts have a field day. CapAintDead420 on the conspiracy boards has been saying for YEARS that he’s being kept on ice in a secret government bunker in Antarctica and she is VINDICATED.
People are way too weird to just accept that he was dead, even in he MCU, and we all know it.
Other MCU conspiracy theories:
The government was breeding the space whales in a bunker under the Great Lakes
That’s not the real Cap, the cloned him using asgardian technology
Tony Stark did 9/11
Bucky Barnes was the shooter on the grassy knoll
Wakanda only pretends to be poor, they have amazing technology (this was started by Shuri for kicks)
Spider-Man is a Russian agent that’s why he wears RED
The Asgardian Shadow Government is controlling the populace and breeding humans for experiments/meat
SHIELD is actually in charge of the One World Government and wrote the Sokovia Accords because the super heroes refused to assassinate the president in IM3
marvel is disney’s forever cash cow! it appeals to children, teens, and sweaty adults! it’s all quite loud and colorful, with the same safe formula every time, but with different directors and tweaks to make it whatever the fuck memorable each time. plus the reliance on violence to push the plot will give them those dank US military checks until explosions go extinct. truly we live in horrific times but i don’t really care
thank u all for letting me know the military quit cutting checks for the MCU after Avengers because they got offended bc the fictional magic men are an alternative to the american military. i’m sorry i was misinformed but more importantly that’s really, really, really, really, really fucking funny
Just to clarify – the Pentagon pulled out of the Avengers (and thus the MCU) because it wasn’t clear whether SHIELD was a branch of the US government, and, if so, where it fell in relation to the military in terms of hierarchy. (Source)
So, it wasn’t just “magic men are unrealistic”, it was “magic men are unrealistic and we don’t know if we outrank them.”
Two commissions of modern day Peggy and Steve (pre and post-serum) for the lovely Mara! In the first one they’re SHIELD agents, and in the second one they’re enjoying a quiet moment together.
Peggy Carter shows up for her first day as head of SHIELD. Her first task is to interview the roomful of men and women (but mostly men) who are waiting outside her new office. She can only hire a handful and she has to pick the best to ensure that SHIELD doesn’t get shut down (and to prove that she’s capable of running the thing in the first place).
She’s been in plenty of fights before but she’s nervous as she approaches her desk for the first time because the people she hires today could decide the fate of the entire organization.
The door flings open and a young woman enters. She profusely apologizes for being late and introduces herself as Peggy’s assistant, hired by Howard to help her through the day to day minutia of running SHIELD. Peggy’s relieved for the help.
The day constitutes boring interviews and plenty of potential but eventually Peggy winds up with her first response team. Months go by and over time Peggy realizes that her assistant is a capable fighter and starts to bring her along on missions.
One day, Howard witnesses her in action and openly tells Peggy he wishes he could have a secretary that good. Peggy asks why Howard didn’t tell her the girl had combat experience. Howard reveals he never hired an assistant for Peggy.
Cue the reveal the the assistant was one of the initial job candidates. Realizing there were plenty of more experienced agents in the room and not wanting to miss out on being part of SHIELD, she decided to secure a job using the only way she knew – deceit. Turns out she was an undercover agent during the war and, like Peggy, she was told she was no longer needed once the men came home. She made it to that final SHIELD interview but saw that Peggy looked flustered and took advantage of the situation.
As a supervillainsupercriminal contract worker with a morality deficit, Clint Barton leads a glamorous life. You know, stolen cars, dangerous women, a really confusing relationship with a meddling do-gooder, the works. It’s pretty awesome. Except for, uh, medical bills, the mob, and being on the run all the time. That part isn’t all that awesome.
(A supervillain AU where Clint shoots arrows at people and gets beat up a lot. So, not really that much of an AU.)
Okay, I usually don’t single recs out, but this fic, guys, it is SO GOOD. It is incredibly funny and ever so sightly cracky in the best of ways. It’s got the failboaty Clint Barton that we know and love, he’s just working for the other side. He’s Deaf, he’s a bit of a manslut, he’s kinky, and he loves what he does (even if it does wind him up hurt nine times out of ten), and he’s got the gang of Bucky, Natasha, Kate and Lucky around him to get him on his feet again. It’s got sign language. It’s got ridiculous comic book fights, inadvisable hookups, and a lot about the grey (sexy) line between heroism and villainy. It’s got a bit of violence and a bit of fairly kinky sex with various partners, but those scenes are short and I don’t think it’s hugely explicit, and even if kink isn’t your thing I really think this fic is well worth reading. It’s about so, so much more than bedroom shenanigans and it’s just so much fun that I think you’ll like it even if a Clint who likes being slapped around a bit isn’t your thing. I don’t remember the last time I read a fic where I had to stop so many times to literally laugh out loud.
Maria Hill irritably recruiting the latest batch of SHIELD minions interns.
“Earn $45K a year or for as long as you manage to avoid catching a bullet with your face."
"Medical and dental and the occasional accidental chemical exposure that might turn you into the next Bruce Banner! And if you think that’s a perk you should work in R&D.”
“Free housing as long as you don’t mind living in Hawkeye’s building. He’s a shit landlord but his dog is cute.”
“You get to be in the vicinity of pretty people like Captain America, Thor and me. Mostly me. Yelling at you. Occasionally Agent Carter. Also yelling at you.”
“Lower level interns may only refer to Agent Romanoff by her codename: Black Widow. Only agents with level 6 or above clearance may refer to her as She Who Doesn’t Fucking Clean The Microwave After Her Hot Pocket Explodes All Over It Jesus Fuck.”
“There’s no glamour in spying, people. Long hours. Shady missions. Morally dubious choices that will keep you up at night, eating at your soul from the inside out. On the plus side, you will be assigned a catsuit and they make your ass look great.”
"After the whole Hydra incident, everyone who was sorted into Slytherin in Pottermore is officially banned from recruitment … what do you mean that’s not a rigorous personality test."
knitting in the dark 