Tag: self harm

defectivegembrain:

anyway adult self harm is a serious issue and not a sign of immaturity or something people should’ve just grown out of and people who don’t have a clue what it’s like should really try shutting the fuck up about it

Also, adult self harm doesn’t always look like teenage self harm. If you’ve ever denied yourself food or water or other basic self care, not because of executive dysfunction but because you think you don’t deserve to be fed or watered or cared for, because you think you’re trash, congrats, you self harm. As a teenager I used to self harm in ways that gave me scars. In my thirties, I self harm by denying myself things I need to survive or by forcing myself beyond my limits because I’m trying to justify my existence to some bogus standard my brain cooked up to punish me.

EDIT: This also applies to eating too much, drinking too much, etc because you think you deserve to feel sick and be fat and alone and whatever. It’s the shame and self loathing that are the core of the problem here. Most people who self harm will swing between denial and excess. It’s a self perpetuating cycle where you always lose.

I think a lot of the time the focus on self harm is about the gory stuff. About razors, about scars. And that’s how some people harm, and so it’s good that there are voices out there talking about it. But for me, mostly, these days, self harm looks like this. My nails chewed right down to the absolute limit of my quick. Sometimes I bleed, but mostly it just hurts like hell, and when it gets bad, I am physically unable to stop myself from putting my hands in my mouth. It’s not as dramatic as blood everywhere, but the cycle of shame is the same. My too short nails are just as visible a reminder as the few scars I have. I have chew necklaces, but sometimes they’re not enough. I have icypoles in the freezer, and they’re great, but I can’t eat them continuously. I have nail polish, as a visual cue, but often that’s not enough to overcome the compulsion. I have handcrafts, but sometimes my hands need a break from work. When people see my hands, they see someone with a bad habit, not a person who self harms. They see a person careless with their appearance, not someone whose anxiety has no other channel but against my own body. They see an untidiness, not a bright red scream.

Hooking my way into 2018. Going to the yarn store yesterday 20 mins before closing was a GOOD IDEA because I’m no longer destroying my hands and I’m 22 rows into Mini Rings of Change (which may turn into the massive paid version if my yarn stocks and patience hold out). So yeah, starting 2018 by redirecting self-harming stims and crocheting a massive fuck-off rainbow doily that may in the end cover our whole double bed.

*devil horns* I know how to ring the changes, peeps. Rock on.

self-harm is (but not limited to):

shybiviolet:

avpdkicking:

• making yourself sleep deprived
• making yourself cold (not wearing warm clothes in the winter, sleeping without a blanket etc)
• not eating
• not drinking
• eating too much
• not looking before crossing the street
• scratching
• letting your skin be dry & break easily
• picking at skin
• over-exercising
• substance abuse
• over-working yourself
• making yourself go out and do things even though you’re exhausted
• putting yourself in anxiety-inducing situations (even if you have a choice to stay out of them)
• triggering yourself
• purposefully angering someone who you know will yell at you
• entering relationships you don’t want to be in/being around people you don’t want to be around
• having sex when you don’t want to
• setting yourself punishments
• not giving yourself time
• not letting yourself spend time with the people you love & know will be good to you

stop assuming that self-harm is visible and easy to notice.

Oh my goodness I actually didn’t know that a lot of things on this list counted as self harm. Like I will do a lot of those when I’m upset or angry at myself, but I’ll just frame it in my head as “not doing nice stuff for myself because I don’t deserve it” instead of “not doing really important things like eating because I’m angry/sad/scared and want to be self-destructive”

Thanks very much for this, this is something I need to remember when I’m struggling.