Today I walk into work and there are a ton of people in my building and it’s kind of a mess and everyone is talking and I sort of just blurt out:
“Man, it’s a zoo in here!”
Everyone stopped and looked at me as though I had 2 heads.
Then I realized.
I work at a zoo.
Update: my boss was talking about how he was really excited for an entire week of vacation and was wondering what he should do, so I looked him dead in the eye and told him, with a straight face,
“You should visit the local Zoo, I heard it’s really nice.”
Under pain of death I am no longer allowed to make any zoo related jokes.
Part three: I was cleaning the squirrel monkeys and one of them kept trying to climb up me so I sort of just yelled
“WILL YOU STOP MONKEYING AROUND??”
I forgot my boss was in the next room and he walked and just glared at me
Another update:
I was in the reptile house and one of the new interns looked like they needed some help grabbing a snake so I just blurted out:
“Let me slither on over there and help”
They actually appreciated the pun XD
So I’m in the kangaroo yard and my boss says “they need more water, hop to it.” And I kind of look at him not sure if he said that on purpose but he looks back with such horror and just whispers “I hope you’re happy” and walks away.
Once upon a time there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying, and asked “What’s wrong?”
She stopped her sobbing and asked the well “You can talk?”
“Yes,” said the well. “Long ago, the witch who lives in this town gave me life so I could serve as a guardian to the townspeople.”
“Alas,” said the young woman. “I am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the townsfolk for many years. But the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the people up against her, and they burned her at the stake. I am young and still do not know very much magic. I tried to curse them, but my curses fizzled. Now I worry I will never avenge my mother’s death.”
“Do not be afraid,” said the well. “I will take care of this.”
The next morning, when the Mayor came to fetch water from the well, he heard an odd noise coming from the bottom. He peered over as far as he could to see what was happening. Then an impossibly long arm shot up from the bottom of the well, grabbed the mayor, and pulled him into the well shaft. There was a horrible crunching sound, and nobody ever saw the Mayor again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter, and they all lived happily ever after.
Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge
clint and sam compliment each other on their hotness and then engage in a round of bird puns. ↳ “aww, thanks, clint. you’re not bad looking yourself.” “aww shucks, sam. i’m blushing.”
knitting in the dark 