So my mother just casually dropped that she’s letting my uncle stay with us again for a week in March even though last time I told her he made me feel actively unsafe and in fear of my life. Continuing her pattern of… forever, in me unequivocably laying out why I feel unsafe, followed by her minimising it, trivialising it, and ultimately, forgetting it. She conveniently forgets anything she doesn’t want to think about.

This is abuse, just as much as the sexual abuse I endured when I was a kid. This is abuse, just as much as the jealousy and emotional isolation enforced by my first serious partner.

This is abuse, this is abuse, this is abuse, and I have no way of getting away from it.

Kay so it’s a hard PTSD day because social media. I love you guys, tho, and you should post whatever you like, whatever makes you happy, because that’s what social media should be about. PTSD is a minefield, and what sets me off surprises me sometimes, and I’ve been living with it for 36 years. What set me off was something that probably seemed jokey to most people, but as a neurodivergent child abuse survivor was horrifying. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have reacted like I did. My reaction was perfectly rational for someone with my perspective. It might have seemed extreme to someone else, someone not-me, but it was rational. What I don’t want is for someone to think I’m angry at them personally for posting or reblogging something that they found funny that I did not. Our perspectives are different. The world is a different place to each of us based on who we are and the experiences we went through. A joke that might be funny to some, might trigger horrible emotional turmoil in someone who’s been abused, been raped, been discriminated against or attacked because of their race, their gender, their sexuality. That doesn’t make them wrong, too sensitive, or without humour. That makes them a human, a squishy being with a different experience to yours. Please remember, please be kind, and please adjust your world-view if needed. Thanks.

It’s yes. It’s not legally binding, but it’s yes. I’m so fucking overwhelmed right now, I keep bursting into tears. I can’t help thinking that this result is cruel – it’s teasing at the idea of equality without actually giving it to us. That’s still down to our parliament, which for decades has been putting off and putting off and putting off what they laid the groundwork for EIGHT YEARS AGO when they started taxing same sex couples the same as straights. They’ll take our money, but won’t give us the rights a straight de facto couple has by default. Inheritance. Medical and hospital decision making. Funerals. Adoption and custody. Fostering. And that’s just a handful of things. The inequality in the law permeates every aspect of my relationship. It’s a sword of Damocles that I can never escape.

Catch the fuck up, Australia.

Hey, I saw a copy of the Wild Unknown tarot deck in my local bookstore, and I thought of you. How are things?

Things are okay? Tiring, but okay. We just came home from New Zealand, after two and a half weeks overseas, and just this morning my brother and his family moved out of this house and got on the road for their cross-state relocation. So for the first time in about six weeks, our house is free of kids. It’s brilliant. An absolute tip, but brilliant. It’s so quiet. So much cleaning to do, but I have the time and the space to do it now. I plan on attacking each room in turn and having lots of uninterrupted baths.

Aside from that, my computer and phone both just died in quick succession, so I have new devices to set up to my desired specs, all while I catch up on months of overdue tv and movie watching and knit something for myself for once.

I’m exhausted, broke, and have about seven hundred things to do before I can breathe (somewhat) easily, but I know I can do it, given enough time. So my attitude and mood is okay I guess? But I’m not starting on the bulk of it until later. Not today. I have a migraine. So, knitting and Once Upon A Time is is.

How are you?

(I hope you don’t mind me posting publicly, I’ve just been so quiet lately, and this summarises things neatly for anyone else following.)