neurowonderful:

persephonesidekick:

neuroatypically-speaking:

low-functioning: people literally think you’re incapable of understanding the world or forming thoughts or opinions. They believe you throw “temper tantrums” for no reason, that you’re purposefully violent, that you’re incapable of love. They think they have the right to speak for you without making an effort to communicate on your level. They decide what your quality of life is like for you, and will urge you not to have live-saving surgery. From the moment you’re diagnosed, your doctors, your family, and the entire world will treat you like a horrible burden with absolutely no future to be had. Assuming they don’t just throw you off a bridge.

high-functioning: people think you don’t have “real” autism and should therefore have no problems. They will go out of their way to deny you services, declare for you what you’re capable of dealing with, and possibly even undiagnose you based on knowing you for all of ten minutes. They think you have no sense of humor, that you can’t understand sarcasm, that you’re always literal and that you’re a math genius who never utters the words “I love you.” They will deny your right to have any opinions on autism, because you’re not like their brother/sister/child/whatever. From the moment you’re diagnosed, expect therapy. Lots of therapy. And the constant creeping sensation that you’re failing everyone by not being more “normal” because hey, you’re high-functioning. 

In other words, being autistic in an allistic world is like the laws of thermodynamics. 

• you can’t win
• you can’t break even
• you can’t stop playing

(Okay, that simplifies the laws of thermodynamics like a lot, but the analogy still fits.)

In the end, what functioning levels come down to from an allistic point of view is the answer to the question: Can we successfully stuff them into a socially acceptable box after years of violently abusive therapy, or are they already a lost cause?

If box: high-functioning.

If no box: low-functioning.

This. I want to add (from personal experience) that there is a sort of “medium-functioning” category that you can sometimes get put in that isn’t really any better than the other two.

You still get spoken for and don’t get to have feelings or opinions, but you’re also blamed for your failures and denied accommodations because you succeeded at something once and they’re sick of you being a burden and want you to get better already. They know you will never get better and make no plans for you ever being independent, but they think of you as a person just enough to blame you for it. And you also don’t get to have opinions on Autism because you’re better than some people.

I think you get put in this box by not being able to be stuffed into the social acceptable box long term, but still be well trained enough to be vaguely presentable for short periods of time. Bonus points for not really being impaired enough to be an effective pity object, but knowing enough cute tricks to be an interesting conversation piece in dinner parties.

Yeah, that’s pretty much me. Marvin and I often joke about me being “moderately autistic” or “medium autistic”, because of how other people really don’t know which box to put me in.

On one hand, for three or four hours I can appear relatively non-disabled, and maybe even likeable and charming. On good days I can give presentations with my mouth parts. I can force some eye contact and smiles. On the other hand, people have seen me just flop down on the floor in autistic catatonia, flap my hands angrily at bad noises, and go completely non-verbal. On bad days people speak to Marvin instead of directly to me, assuming I can’t understand them.

You described existing in the limbo between being perceived as high-functioning and being perceived as low functioning very well.