LOLO,LOL she just thoughfully piped up saying I should eat lowcarb and less sugar and stuff and I’m like, ‘Bitch, I been gluten free for eight years, eat very little refined sugar, lost 15kg in the last two years, get plenty of exercise, tried yoga, tried talking therapy, been medicated since I was sixteen, the meds control the depression but not the anxiety so all I can do is live with it’ and walked out. She said ‘well, good luck with it all,“ and I said ‘thanks’ because I can’t help being polite, and then I walked in circles in the kitchen for a few mintues because it’s that or scream.
Why do people seem to think I’m not trying? I mentioned at least twice that I was in burnout, that all I could do right now was manage my stress and get through it. I explained that trying further education had left me housebound multiple times in the past. I told her I’d lost jobs because of my disability, because my exec function impeded my ability to work at the speed and accuracy of others.
But obviously, I’m just sitting on my arse and not trying because I’m choosing to safeguard my health. I’m fighting the urge to scream and meltdown every time I leave the house. I’m shaking my Tangle in the shops, on my treadmill at the gym, because the sensory assault and the stress of being around people makes me want to hide.
But I’m not trying, because leaving the house isn’t an achievement to them.
knitting in the dark 