Tag: lulz

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my favorite out of context quotes from my archeology professor so far in no particular order

• and floridians are just as human as you and me!
• and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska
• you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones
• it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford
• i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault. 
• we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me. 
• they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found. 
• i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!
• archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.
• sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it
• archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses. 
• once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too
• the closest i’ve ever been to a grizzly bear is when i left my glasses in my tent on a dig in alaska,  saw a big rock in the distance, and almost screamed

additional quotes

• ah yes. archaeologists. or, as i love to call us,  pottery analysts
• i mean he was kind of a good guy for helping us beat britain but he owned slaves so that really cancelled it out.
• archaeology is like cultural anthropology, except after you interview the person you turn around and shoot them in the head.
• do not use trees! trees are bad! don’t do it!
• usually you find shards, but it’s super exciting when you find a really big shard
• it’s basically like a waterpark, except you’re fully clothed and walking through a dark tunnel knee deep in muddy water. so, basically splish splash.
•  i dont believe in curses but my colleagues and i like to encourage the idea of them so people stop touching our stuff
• usually, you would find a knife in a kitchen. or underneath your pillow to really freak out your roommate who is a history nerd and has no idea why you would sleep with a knife under your pillow and he’ll get really scared and freaked out and okay i’m getting off topic
• no matter what the other scientists say, archaeology is a real science.
• don’t worry, i promise you, and whatever government agency that’s spying on me right now,  that i’m not a crazy communist trying to overthrow the government
• by now you’ve noticed the big “POP QUIZ” written on the board. there isn’t one, but i wanted to see the looks on your face when you saw it. but you’re all dead inside so it’s not really funny.
• everything was fine except the citizens of pompeii just woke up dead the next day
• the number one question you should ask when you read old archaeology papers is “how the hell do you know?”
• nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible
• this is incredible! all it takes is a computer the size of this room!

even more from the margins of my notebook!

• when in doubt, it’s ritualistic
• coprolites are the only shit archaeologists get excited over
• i know the only reason you’re not laughing at my hilarious jokes is because it’s early 
• they called it the garbage project. which is also what people call the projects i work on when we apply for funding.
• what you have to realize is that people are fundamentally weird. they do weird stuff now and they have done it thousands of years ago.
• things come and go but pottery is forever
• i dont know if you all know this but moose are terrifying abominations. 
• and today’s lesson is about the difference between dirt and soil!
• please, please, please do not eat old butter you found buried in a bog.
• normally i would say this blackboard is a feature because it isn’t portable and can’t be moved but this is a community college so who knows

one of my biggest fears is that this will get so many notes that someone in the class will see it and show it to the professor and he’ll realize half the notes ive been taking in class are jotting down the weird shit he says

This was the most magical thing I’ve ever read.

I would have loved this class. There are some good nuggets in there, among the weird. I’ve told my students a variant of this one:

“nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible”

That right there is half the religious education for middle schoolers curriculum I’m writing.