Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently. he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just;
What did— who–
did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring
Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…
“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”
“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”
“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”
“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”
“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”
“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”
“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”
“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”
…aaaaaand curtain.
you can laugh but that is literally what happened
This is the single best brief summary I have ever seen of the entire point of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I love that super fuckin dramatic zoom in shot on bucky tho, like. if this was a cartoon, the shadows would’ve come in, the animation style would’ve changed slightly, the background music would’ve built ominously.
and then it all would’ve stopped when he asked clint the same question and clint was a little shithead about it.
aw they’re so ready to fight a guy twice their size with a sword to save their pal hobbits are the Hufflepuffs of Tolkien Land and I LOVE them
NO HE WAS SUCH A SWEET OLD GATEKEEPER
when ya sleepover gets out of control
when you’re the one friend with insomnia and everyone else wakes up late in the morning and you gotta pretend like you haven’t been sitting there having an existential crisis for the past 6 hours
so is this that guy everyone’s been thirsting over for the past seventeen years
don’t think he knows about second breakfast
do you mean to tell me ‘second breakfast’ isn’t some meme ya’ll came up with ten years ago
what’s really wild to me is the last two hobbits weren’t asked or even ordered to go on this mission with Frodo. Literally they could have walked away as soon as they were caught stealing vegetables but they were immediately in it for the long haul. They went from running from some aggravated farmer to hiding from basically the lord of death and suffering and didn’t even blink an eye? Without it even being discussed they’re just like. Here now. Where are we going next Frodo. We’ll follow you. We’ve got nothing better to do. Farmer was out of cabbages anyway. Let’s go to Mount Doom.
*random singing*
mate we’re trying to sleep???
quick question is this dude’s hair ever not wet
THIS IS RUDE
SOMEONE GET HIM A BLANKET HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS
he just pulled out a fuckin pile of swords and weaponised these small, fun loving creatures I swear by the end of this movie at least one of them is gonna have PTSD
their love of food has brought about their potential demise and I wanna be mad but honestly that’s how I see myself going one day
I’ll tell you who opens the jars in a lesbian relationship. we both do and we have to keep handing the jar back and forth for one to have a go while the other encourages her in a loving and supportive way.
If you are a romance writer with the word “Cocky” in one of your titles, and you’ve received a takedown notice from author Faleena Hopkins, please check out this Twitter link on this bullshit.
Have you heard yet? (possibly, it’s all over my FB and twitter)
Oh look,
Faleena is back at her bullshit. One of my friends had her work removed from Amazon and was issued a copyright notice from Hopkins because their plots were “too similar”. The similarities where that their man characters drank red wine, and featured vampires.
She’s on my shitlist for authors to never rec or review.
yeah no it’s super shitty right now.
For the record, if anyone is having issues with her, there are people in publishing volunteering to pay consultation fees with a lawyer right now.
God damn heroes. I think I saw some of them on twitter.
It honest to god makes me want to write something and title it “Cockie” and just do a satirical parody but I have neither the time nor the energy to even pretend to be as shitty a writer or human being as she is. And y’all know me, I don’t make those accusations lightly.
I am both petty and manic right now and I am SORELY tempted to do a quick 2K number about a petty and rude romance author that falls in love with a suave and assertive publisher, only for him to leave her when he finds out what an ass she’s been.
We’ll call it “Cocky Bitch”
Even Anne Rice would say this writer is too litigious
In fact:
When Anne Rice says “I think your being overzealous in your attitude toward trademark law” that’s like Hunter S Thompson taking you to one side and saying he’s worried about how much you’ve been drinking lately
knitting in the dark 