Tag: lulz

simplyirenic:

slatestarscratchpad:

alienpapacy:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

I met a programmer the other day
Who said “A vast and blocky plastic box
Stands in my workspace; in it, so they say
Half-dead, a chip from Intel lies, which clocks
566 M-hertz; the CD drive
And fifteen gigs, and bundled AOL
Must have seemed neat when Reagan was alive
But now the stickers on its lifeless shell
Seem only fit sad memories to revive
And on the light beige case are words that say:
“THIS COMPUTER IS NEVER OBSOLETE
SURF! INVEST! EMAIL! TYPE! SHOP! TRAVEL! PLAY!”
The monitor is dark; near its defeat
My new and shiny MacBook whirs away

#ozymand OS (via gravything)

Cripple Punk Gothic

interlude-holiday:

  • “You are too young to be disabled,” they say. You age. “You are too young to be disabled,” they say. You age. “You are too young to be disabled,” they say. You have changed. They have not.
  • You see a flight of stairs. Your friend insists there are only a few. You don’t see an end. You are tired. There are too many stairs. You don’t see an end.
  • The door has an accessible entrance sticker. It is not accessible. You tell them so. They insist it is. You try to explain. They point to the sticker wordlessly.
  • You tell people there is no cute for your disability. They whisper. Soon everyone is whispering. You do not know what they are saying but you hear the word ‘yoga’.
  • You need an ice pack. You get one. You immediately need another. This has been happening all day. Or was it all year? You try to remember and you cannot think of a time you did not need an ice pack.
  • You stand up from your wheelchair. People gasp. Your disability has magically disappeared. You sit back down. Your disability returns.
  • You never notice people using canes. You get a cane. Suddenly you notice them. They’re everywhere. The number of canes grows. You chalk it up to your imagination, but you wonder if it really is growing. Soon, everyone will use canes.
  • You do not see yourself in magazines. You do not see yourself in movies. You do not see yourself on tv. You do not see yourself in books. You start to fear that you do not exist.
  • A person asks you what your disability is. “I don’t know,” you whisper, “no one knows.” They stare at you confused. You have never known.
  • You sleep. You are more tired. You don’t sleep. You are more tired. You go out. You are more tired. You stay in. You are more tired. The moon waxes. You are more tired. The moon wanes. You are more tired. You think about whether these things are related. You are more tired.

[disclaimer: you don’t have to identify with all of these in order to reblog (in fact I don’t expect most people will) but please do identify with the cripple punk movement as a whole! or if you’re reblogging for a friend tag that you are and you’re able bodied. Also please tag for unreality and depersonalization if you can! Feel free to add on]

shinelikethunder:

sinistercinnamon:

shinelikethunder:

shinelikethunder:

shit

I just realized the closest I can come to describing Thor: Ragnarok is “take Doctor Who circa 1988 (Battlefield, The Happiness Patrol, Remembrance of the Daleks, The Greatest Show in the Galaxy, etc, which I realize are not all strictly 1988 but it sure is an aesthetic), give it the budget of a Marvel blockbuster, and remove all adult supervision.”

Right down to the political jabs and the fucking soundtrack, because seriously, if you can’t imagine the Ragnarok title sequence suddenly wailing out “oooooweeeeeeoooooooo” on the 80s-est synth guitar ever to 80s, I don’t even know what movie you were watching.

Oh god yes fucking this EXACTLY

Needed more Ace tho

Hopefully we can all agree that if you dumped Ace into the plot of Thor Ragnarok it would take her approximately 0.35 seconds to pick up a new Val Pal™.

berhanes:

berhanes:

things my impossibly young looking Roman history lecturer has said

‘listen to your seminar tutors over the booklet, but only for seminars – in lectures i am king. unless you have me as a seminar tutor as well, in which case i am your king and god.’

‘has anybody played Rome: Total War? no?’

‘Cataline tried to burn the city and everyone he hated but he failed because, in short, nobody liked him.’

‘the mediterranean diet didn’t include tomatoes in the ancient world. i know. oh my god. i know.’

‘so of course when Hannibal turns up, the senate goes ‘sod it, lets kick his arse’.’

‘one man’s optimates is another man’s silver-spoon bearing prick.’

‘we don’t have much information about the 70s BC, largely because Plutarch doesn’t care.’

‘i’m not saying Rome: Total War is entirely accurate, but its battle campaigns are surprisingly historically informed.’

[hand drawing a map in chalk because the projector is broken] ‘i’ll give it a go, this is why i hate technology, and oh. well. that’s not italy.’

‘every army needs bakers and prostitutes, this is just a fact of life.’

‘Sulla. He’s a bit of a badass, but also a bit of a prick.’ 

‘yes, that is a slide from Spartacus. The film, not the series, which is more accurate and less like soft porn.’

‘the Romans liked Campania because its very fertile. they didn’t know this was because of its proximity to a volcano – poor buggers found THAT out later.’

‘Crassus gets given command of Syria and high fives everyone in the senate.’

‘Catullus was very pithy, very hellenistic in style. unlike the Iliad, which is 24 books of tedium.’

‘An Afternoon at Carrhae: the Romans being shot at repeatedly by Parthian cavalry because if there’s one thing the Romans aren’t good at, it’s having a cavalry.’

‘It’s good to have fast legs in war. Caesar moves very fast, not unlike Napoleon. The Usain Bolt of ancient warfare. I’m not sure why I said that, it’s an atrocious analogy.’

‘Athens is the Edinburgh of the ancient world; it has nothing to offer but education and pretty buildings.’

‘Shout out to those of you who spent your teenage years playing Rome: Total War.Which is what I did.’ 

‘The senate go into a panic and they decide to flee Rome at dawn, but some idiot forgets the treasury. I know. Ridiculous.’

‘Again: don’t use elephants during warfare. They’re not as cool as they look. And given they’re now endangered, it’d just be mean.’ 

‘I had to use this meme, I’m sorry. You’re all aware of the one does not simply walk into mordor meme right? I’m sorry, we’ll move on.’

‘I put this photo in for dramatic effect but I realise that it’s just a field. I don’t know why people bother going to see battle sites, they’re all really boring. I saw bones once, they were quite interesting. But most battle sites: boring.’

‘Caesar doesn’t tell Rome anything while he’s away in Egypt for a year, so they have no idea Pompey’s dead. All they know is that Antony is being a pain in the ass, which is, in all honesty, not unusual for Antony.’

‘Caesar is very good at one liners. You always draft a pithy one liner before a battle so you have something to say when you win. You don’t want to win and then just be like ‘whoo, thank god for that.’’

amazing-jase:

johnfreesiins:

ryanccole:

I just realized the climax of the Lion King is kind of hilarious.

Because it came down to a showdown fight between Scar and Simba. And here’s something great about them: they are the weakest little shits.

Scar was this skinny twig of a lion who probably only got the 11th+ portion of any kill because nobody liked him, and the only way he could one-up anyone was through trickery, and/or by softening them up with a wildebeest herd.

Simba grew up without ever having to chase his prey or work particularly hard because he lived on a diet of insects and nothing else. Nala could kick his ass because she was a goddamn proper hunter.

So the final battle was the equivalent to a pasty-faced metrosexual teen slap-fighting a starving 60-year old

10/10

holyshit

it is based on Hamlet, so yes.

copperbadge:

thacmis:

the thirst is real

(based on this by @thestonedsoldier)

It’s the little *clenches* that seals it as hilarious. 😀 

I like the idea that everyone in Wakanda sees Sam Wilson and thinks, “He’s so smart, handsome, and heroic; clearly he has Wakandan in him” and T’Challa’s like “If he lets me take him to dinner he certainly could.” 

GOING TO SEE BLACK PANTHER TONIGHT, I AM VERY EXCITE.