A recently published study by John Pachankis and Mark Hatzenbuehler has substantiated what’s called the “Best Little Girl in the World” hypothesis, first put forward in 1973 in a book by Andrew Tobias, then writing under a pseudonym. It’s the idea that young, closeted women deflect attention from their sexuality by investing in recognized markers of success: good grades, athletic achievement, elite employment and so on. Overcompensating in competitive arenas affords these women a sense of self-worth that their concealment diminishes.
…Deriving self-worth from achievement-related domains, like Ivy League admissions, is a common strategy among closeted women seeking to maintain self-esteem while hiding their stigma. The strategy is an effort to compensate for romantic isolation and countless suppressed enthusiasms. And it requires time-consuming study and practice, which conveniently provide an excuse for not dating.
Best of all, it distracts: “What love life? Look at my report card!”
…But the study does show that the longer a young woman conceals her sexual orientation, the more heavily she invests in external measures of success, potentially leading to undue stress and social isolation
Another of the study’s findings is that girls who grow up in more stigmatizing environments are more likely to seek self-worth through competition. I spent my first 18 years in a rural, religious town in North Carolina, a state that recently passed a constitutional amendment barring same-sex unions by a wide margin. Now here I am, a metal detector scanning for golden prizes. That’s no coincidence, the research suggests.
What? I know! I did the research and I found that I was ethically able to order these swimsuits. They’re the only all-over printed items I carry which aren’t printed in the United States, but I talked with the manufacturer for a while to assure that I wasn’t supporting sweatshop labor. So! I’m able to (as ethically as I can) offer these kick-ass suits! And the best part?
FREE SHIPPING (YES, EVEN INTERNATIONALLY) FOR THE WHOLE MONTH OF JUNE! FREE. $0.00! YES, REALLY!
Hey, do you have swim trunks?
No, not yet! But I’m working on that. I’m in communication with my printing company. I know! You want them! I want them too! As soon as I get them, they will be posted SUPER FAST.
What about [insert flag here]? How come you didn’t post that?
I posted the flags which most commonly sell in my pride flag items. But have no fear! If you’d like to purchase your flag on a swimsuit and I don’t have it posted, contact me and I’ll be happy to make sure that you can purchase it ASAP! As a poverty-line artist, I can’t afford to put up every variation of every flag – it actively costs me money to keep open listings that don’t sell, so I handle less-frequently-ordered flags on a per-request basis. That way everyone can get the suits they want and I can afford to pay my mortgage.
I need it by [time], can you rush shipping if I pay for it?
No. 😦 I don’t have control over that. The average print time is 2-3 days at my print provider & shipping is 5-10 days after that since they’re coming from overseas. I cannot guarantee an arrival date, so order quick if you want them by a certain date!
Okay, awesome! Where can I buy these suits?
You can get them on NerdyKeppie, along with a bunch of other bomb-ass stuff.
(Please note that free shipping ONLY applies to the suits – if you pick up other stuff, and it would be rad if you did, you’ll be charged for shipping for the additional items only.)
P.S. @mistresskabooms yes you can have one, decide which one you want. 😛
So this just happened:
My swimsuit pictures are ‘too risque’ for Facebook Ads.
Too many boobs… in… the full coverage swimsuits.
I’m sure that’s not because they’re queer suits??? That couldn’t be it????
My sarcasm just broke. Anyway, I guess it’s good I’m here on Tumblr, no money for Facebooks.
Sections 553 and 554 of Article 27 of the Maryland Code prohibited sodomy (punishable with a sentence of “not less than one year nor more than ten years”), oral sex, and “any other unnatural or perverted sexual practice with any other person.”
Since we’re on the subject of things to get to better understand autism, or to gift people so they can better understand autism…
…While fiction, rather than non-fiction, the novel On The Edge Of Gone by
Corinne Duyvis is excellent. Young adult post apocalyptic novel staring an young autistic woman, with lots of well written LGBTQIA+ side characters to boot, written by an openly autistic author, and as an autistic adult contains what might be the most real feeling depiction of autism I have ever read, fiction or non-fiction. It’s also a cracking good read.
Excellent book 10/10, have never related to a character so hard. And the autism stuff – the traits that come out like stimming by tapping fingers on their thigh, the sensory stuff, and even the “coming out” as autistic is just written so naturally, so properly, so damn well.
You never find out the trans girl’s deadname, and the MC has a special interest in cats.
As a queer kid growing up in the nineties, I would never in a million years have imagined that I’d be using “We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!” as an argument towards other members of the LBGTQA+ community.
…Basically, TERFs ruin everything.
TERFs only ruin everything if we let them. We have stared down homophobia, hate crimes, HIV/AIDs, Prop 8, the ‘gay panic’ defense, don’t ask don’t tell, exorcism, unnecessary surgery, denial of necessary surgery, electroshock, conversion/aversive ‘therapy’, and hundreds of other brutalities, indignities and degredations.
We just keep living loud, shouting loud, and being ourselves. The madder they get, the louder we sing.
The belief that someone might be faking it means they don’t deserve help is one of the greatest social ills put upon us as a society.
Let me explain:
With every charity there will be at least 5% of people (more or less depending) that look like they don’t deserve to benefit from the charity due to their clothes, phone, ability to walk, looking cis or het, looking white or any outwards sign of privilege that they might seem to show.
In actuality, about 0.01% of these people either do not qualify for the charity in question or actually have the privilege that they look like they have.
An example:
You are at a food bank. Mrs. White come up in a shiny Escalade with 4 kids all piled in the back. She comes in to get food for her, her husband, and her 4 kids. Immediately after they leave, you hear one of the other volunteers criticizing the fact that these “obviously well off individuals” are coming in for food.
In reality: Mrs. White’s husband was in a car accident that cost him his ability to walk for long periods of time, the car, and his ability to work. The insurance company paid for the escalade (a dream car of the husband’s) and disability allows them to keep the house, but Mrs. White is barely able to work part time to take care of her husband and the kids. They rely on the donations at the food bank to get by.
Another example:
You see a pair of people walking in the pride parade that look cis and het and are being affectionate at Pride. You hear someone snarl about invaders.
In reality: They are both trans or Bi and this is their first Pride being out.
Another example:
A person on the internet talks about their experience with Autism and how it means they have a hard time working. They’re self-diagnosed.They’ve gotten jeering comments about how they’re faking it and making it hard for real Auties.
In Reality: They’re autistic but can’t afford a professional diagnosis because they have a hard time working and they showed atypical traits as a kid.
I could go on and on.
I’ve heard it all. From just about anyone. But mostly? Mostly I hear it from people who think that if you don’t fit the stereotype you don’t deserve help. That you must be in the very lowest place you can be before you get help. But that’s simply not how it should be.
We should reach kids before they’re on the verge of death, someone before they’re on the street, a person before they’re grasping at the end of their rope. And if we were able to do this, maybe more people would feel comfortable asking before they had no other option than to beg for the scraps that society can leave them.
Society’s greatest illness isn’t those who fake need, but those who think that that tiny bit of people who don’t need the help asking for it is worth forsaking everyone else who does.
knitting in the dark 