If you’re going to tell me that everyone has the ability to heal,
that everyone has the ability to recover,
then I’m going to ask why I am still covered
in so much shame I rarely go a day without butchering
my own name? Why I can still take a punch
better than I can take a compliment?
Why I teeter so constantly between flight and fight
it’s like I’m trying to beat the daylight
out of my own fucking sky,
like my body will never stop fighting him off.
Do you understand how certain I am
that I could have torn my nails into his wrist
pulled out his pulse
deactivating a bomb?
I could have called that peace.
I could have called that not checking my window
a hundred fucking times every single night
before I fall asleep.
What if I don’t want the monster
to stop being a monster?
What if that’s the only anchor I have left?
What if my sanity depends on being able to point
at the bad thing and say, That is the bad thing.
Haven’t I already lost enough time
losing track of who the enemy is?
I’ve spent half of my life not knowing the difference
between killing myself and fighting back.
What if I don’t want healing
as much as I want justice?
What if I don’t care if justice
looks exactly like revenge?
Do you think I don’t know that I can’t
want revenge without strapping the bomb
to my own chest?
That’s how the dominoes of trauma fall.
You become just another thing about to detonate.
And whatever part of me that could believe in healing
was the part he stole.
So go ask him for my forgiveness. Go ask him.
Upon discovering my therapist willingly shares an office space with a male therapist who is an accused sex offender supposedly recovered from his urge to rape 13-year-old-girls — Andrea Gibson (via unlikelywarrior)
I’m all for fighting for marriage equality in the LGBT community. But we’re so focused on that no one knows about this problem.
W…wait Thats a thing????
Yep! The man I refer to as my husband? We aren’t actually married. We can’t be.
If I married him, the government would literally expect me to care for him and be his sole source of income. He would lose all of his benefits, including SSDI. Spouses are expected to share income and that effects ALL of his benefits, even his health insurance. We simply can’t afford to be married.
But it goes even further than that. If I were disabled, our incomes would STILL be combined, meaning BOTH of us would have our benefits cut.
For people reviving supplemental income, their benefits can be cut anywhere from 25% of their current income all the way down to 0%
In fact, one of the stipulations of receiving income under the adult disabled child program (which provides benefits for people who were disabled before age 22) is that they LITERALLY never be married.
I normally don’t link to blog posts as resources, but since social service resource sites like to dress this problem up and make it seem smaller than it really is, I’m gonna call it appropriate! Check it out!
anyway adult self harm is a serious issue and not a sign of immaturity or something people should’ve just grown out of and people who don’t have a clue what it’s like should really try shutting the fuck up about it
Also, adult self harm doesn’t always look like teenage self harm. If you’ve ever denied yourself food or water or other basic self care, not because of executive dysfunction but because you think you don’t deserve to be fed or watered or cared for, because you think you’re trash, congrats, you self harm. As a teenager I used to self harm in ways that gave me scars. In my thirties, I self harm by denying myself things I need to survive or by forcing myself beyond my limits because I’m trying to justify my existence to some bogus standard my brain cooked up to punish me.
EDIT: This also applies to eating too much, drinking too much, etc because you think you deserve to feel sick and be fat and alone and whatever. It’s the shame and self loathing that are the core of the problem here. Most people who self harm will swing between denial and excess. It’s a self perpetuating cycle where you always lose.
What’s really wild is that the native people literally told the Europeans “they walked” when asked how the statues were moved. The Europeans were like “lol these backwards heathens and their fairy tales guess it’s gonna always be a mystery!”
Maori told Europeans that kiore were native rats and no one believed them until DNA tests proved it
Roopkund Lake AKA “Skeleton Lake” in the Himalayas in India is eerie because it was discovered with hundreds of skeletal remains and for the life of them researchers couldn’t figure out what it was that killed them. For decades the “mystery” went unsolved.
Until they finally payed closer attention to local songs and legend that all essentially said “Yah the Goddess Nanda Devi got mad and sent huge heave stones down to kill them”. That was consistent with huge contusions found all on their neck and shoulders and the weather patterns of the area, which are prone to huge & inevitably deadly goddamn hailstones. https://www.facebook.com/atlasobscura/videos/10154065247212728/
Literally these legends were past down for over a thousand years and it still took researched 50 to “figure out” the “mystery”. 🙄
Adding to this, the Inuit communities in Nunavut KNEW where both the wrecks of the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror were literally the entire time but Europeans/white people didn’t even bother consulting them about either ship until like…last year.
“Inuit traditional knowledge was critical to the discovery of both ships, she pointed out, offering the Canadian government a powerful demonstration of what can be achieved when Inuit voices are included in the process.
In contrast, the tragic fate of the 129 men on the Franklin expedition hints at the high cost of marginalising those who best know the area and its history.
“If Inuit had been consulted 200 years ago and asked for their traditional knowledge – this is our backyard – those two wrecks would have been found, lives would have been saved. I’m confident of that,” she said. “But they believed their civilization was superior and that was their undoing.”
“Oh yeah, I heard a lot of stories about Terror, the ships, but I guess Parks Canada don’t listen to people,” Kogvik said. “They just ignore Inuit stories about the Terror ship.”
Schimnowski said the crew had also heard stories about people on the land seeing the silhouette of a masted ship at sunset.
“The community knew about this for many, many years. It’s hard for people to stop and actually listen … especially people from the South.”
Indigenous Australians have had stories about giant kangaroos and wombats for thousands of years, and European settlers just kinda assumed they were myths. Cut to more recently when evidence of megafauna was discovered, giant versions of Australian animals that died out 41 000 years ago.
Similarly, scientists have been stumped about how native Palm trees got to a valley in the middle of Australia, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that someone did DNA testing and concluded that seeds had been carried there from the north around 30 000 years ago… aaand someone pointed out that Indigenous people have had stories about gods from the north carrying the seeds to a valley in the central desert.
it’s literally the oldest accurate oral history of the world.
Now consider this: most people consider the start of recorded history to be with the Sumerians and the Early Dynastic period of the Egyptians. So around 3500 BCE, or five and a half thousand years ago
These highly accurate Aboriginal oral histories originate from twenty thousand years ago at least
Ain’t it amazing what white people consider history and what they don’t?
I always said disservice is done to oral traditions and myth when you take them literally. Ancient people were not stupid.
PSA to all you fantasy writers because I have just had a truly frustrating twenty minutes talking to someone about this: it’s okay to put mobility aids in your novel and have them just be ordinary.
Like. Super okay.
I don’t give a shit if it’s high fantasy, low fantasy or somewhere between the lovechild of Tolkein meets My Immortal. It’s okay to use mobility devices in your narrative. It’s okay to use the word “wheelchair”. You don’t have to remake the fucking wheel. It’s already been done for you.
And no, it doesn’t detract from the “realism” of your fictional universe in which you get to set the standard for realism. Please don’t try to use that as a reason for not using these things.
There is no reason to lock the disabled people in your narrative into towers because “that’s the way it was”, least of all in your novel about dragons and mermaids and other made up creatures. There is no historical realism here. You are in charge. You get to decide what that means.
Also:
“Depiction of Chinese philosopher Confucius in a wheelchair, dating to ca. 1680. The artist may have been thinking of methods of transport common in his own day.”
“The earliest records of wheeled furniture are an inscription found on a stone slate in China and a child’s bed depicted in a frieze on a Greek vase, both dating between the 6th and 5th century BCE.[2][3][4][5]The first records of wheeled seats being used for transporting disabled people date to three centuries later in China; the Chinese used early wheelbarrows to move people as well as heavy objects. A distinction between the two functions was not made for another several hundred years, around 525 CE, when images of wheeled chairs made specifically to carry people begin to occur in Chinese art.[5]”
“In 1655,Stephan Farffler, a 22 year old paraplegic watchmaker, built the world’s first self-propelling chair on a three-wheel chassis using a system of cranks and cogwheels.[6][3] However, the device had an appearance of a hand bike more than a wheelchair since the design included hand cranks mounted at the front wheel.[2]
The invalid carriage or Bath chair brought the technology into more common use from around 1760.[7]
In 1887, wheelchairs (“rolling chairs”) were introduced to Atlantic City so invalid tourists could rent them to enjoy the Boardwalk. Soon, many healthy tourists also rented the decorated “rolling chairs” and servants to push them as a show of decadence and treatment they could never experience at home.[8]
In 1933 Harry C. Jennings, Sr. and his disabled friend Herbert Everest, both mechanical engineers, invented the first lightweight, steel, folding, portable wheelchair.[9] Everest had previously broken his back in a mining accident. Everest and Jennings saw the business potential of the invention and went on to become the first mass-market manufacturers of wheelchairs. Their “X-brace” design is still in common use, albeit with updated materials and other improvements. The X-brace idea came to Harry from the men’s folding “camp chairs / stools”, rotated 90 degrees, that Harry and Herbert used in the outdoors and at the mines.[citation needed]
“But Joy, how do I describe this contraption in a fantasy setting that wont make it seem out of place?”
“It was a chair on wheels, which Prince FancyPants McElferson propelled forwards using his arms to direct the motion of the chair.”
“It was a chair on wheels, which Prince EvenFancierPants McElferson used to get about, pushed along by one of his companions or one of his many attending servants.”
“But it’s a high realm magical fantas—”
“It was a floating chair, the hum of magical energy keeping it off the ground casting a faint glow against the cobblestones as {CHARACTER} guided it round with expert ease, gliding back and forth.”
“But it’s a stempunk nov—”
“Unlike other wheelchairs he’d seen before, this one appeared to be self propelling, powered by the gasket of steam at the back, and directed by the use of a rudder like toggle in the front.”
Give. Disabled. Characters. In. Fantasy. Novels. Mobility. Aids.
If you can spend 60 pages telling me the history of your world in innate detail down to the formation of how magical rocks were formed, you can god damn write three lines in passing about a wheelchair.
Signed, your editor who doesn’t have time for this ableist fantasy realm shit.
Legitimate *pro bono legal services* don’t exist without a good reason. In a few of the exmormon groups I’m in you’ll see regular posts saying stuff like “Look what my lawyer sent me today!” with a pic of their resignation confirmation letter from the church.
You know. Just stuff that a normal average church that is definitely not actually a cult would do. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
🙄
As an ex-mormon, I’m gonna look the fuck into this. I want nothing to do with the church that shaped so much toxicity about my self image and my sexual orientation.
Not sure if any followers need this but if you do, here you go.
Everyone should be able to choose their religious beliefs and community, and leave any that they find does not work for them.
Ex mormon here – this guy’s legit. The Mormon holds your files for eternity, and when they find out that you’ve moved to a new area, they will send members and missionaries from that region to harass you. I know this sounds like dystopic bullshit, but they followed my father through three moves before he rejoined the church.
Also ex mormon here who used this. It’s a ridiculously helpful service that is incredibly easy to use. They keep you updated throughout the whole process, and it’s totally worth it since the church doesn’t get to keep all your private information and pass it around once you resign 🙂
Best thing I ever did. About fifteen years and counting. Before then, my own mother kept giving church people my address, even when I was sleeping on someone’s floor. It got so bad, I threatened to end all contact with her. Once I successfully resigned my membership using a form letter, I was no longer harrassed by active church members.
This is meant to mean absolutely no gluten. It’s been made in a gluten free environment, and tests have proven that there is no detectable gluten in the product. However, a lot of places don’t understand that. You’re generally safe with packaged goods – factories have to pass rigorous tests to be allowed to print it on their packaging – but I’d view that unwrapped pastry in a case with gluten pastries in that cafe with a suspicious eye.
Low Gluten
We’ve done our best, but we can’t guarantee it’s gluten free. We have a kitchen and equipment that is used for both gluten and non gluten products. Also, it may contain a low gluten wheat variant like spelt, which may be fine for the fad dieter, but for the person with a diagnosed allergy or intolerance, is very bad. Ask a lot of questions about the processes involved, and if the people behind the counter seem vague, uninformed or confused about gluten or their handling procedures, avoid.
Gluten Friendly
We’ve produced a product that has no actual gluten ingredients (maybe), but we’re not sure traces of other things haven’t crept in. This is a wishy washy label that’s becoming more common. It’s good for people avoiding grains for diet or fad, but very ambiguous for those looking out for allergens. Because it’s a wishy washy term, uneducated staff may even think it’s gluten free becaue it contains no wheat flour, but might be unsure about ancient or different variants of wheat like spelt or cous cous. May not know about the problems with Oats, Rye and Barley, or with condiments that contain gluten (such as soy sauce or malt vinegar) at all. If they can’t satisfy your questioning, avoid.
May Contain Traces of Gluten
We have a shared facility or kitchen. We wash and/or sterilise it between batches of things, but we can’t 100% guarantee there’s nothing there. We do probably spot test our product and regularly return nil detected results, but we want you to know it’s a possibility. A lot of Coeliacs take a risk and eat ‘May Contain Traces’ food. It’s a gamble, but prepackaged food like crisps are pretty safe because the factory must adhere to food safety guidelines. If they didn’t, then they’d have to recall an entire product rather than just a batch when there was a contamination issue. May contain traces in a restaurant and cafe setting is more of a gamble. Treat it like you’d treat low gluten – ask and decide if it’s worth the risk.
knitting in the dark 