“For as long as I can remember, I had a really active brain. The problem is, when it gets too active… it jumps around all over the place, gets distracted by a million and one things when it’s supposed to be concentrating. I used to think that was just what it was like to be me. But recently, I’ve come to suspect that it’s what it’s like to have ADHD.”
People with sensory processing disorders like fibromyalgia and other chronic pain diseases have the same experience. Until I started talking to people with ADHD, I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to spend every waking minute feeling your clothes against your skin or cataloging the changes in sound and light and smell. It wasn’t until I watched Elementary and saw the characters around Sherlock not noticing sensory details around them that he picks up that I realized it’s not normal for brains to do this.
Unlike folk with ADHD, though, I never had this experience full blown until I was in my twenties. It build gradually over about a decade, and I thought I’m just getting older. I didn’t have these issues as a young child, so my lack of focus in my mid-20s had to be age-related, not ADHD, right?
And that’s how you trick yourself into thinking you’re normal for years. It’s easier than admitting difference, even as you carefully pick out only silk and pure cotton clothes, wash everything (including yourself) in unscented soap, and eat only a handful of foods (mostly sugar, because it’s boring and you don’t have to think about it much).
Spoonies, pay attention: if you can’t focus, it may not just be the pain. What else is your brain, primed for pain signals, now also processing without end?
Nadiya – Winner of The Great British Bake Off 2015
2015 was the best season of Bake Off because we got to watch Nadiya go from absolutely no confidence to having a true and sincere belief in herself and it was so fucking inspiring
This is amazing! AMAZING. Chronic illness does its best to strip you of your dignity, your control, and your identity. This is a great example of how things that might seem trivial to a healthy person, can make all the difference in someones life.
‘I like the stealth suit from Cap 2. The dark, navy blue suit from the opening of Winter Soldier when I’m on the Lemurian Star, messing people up on that ship. And in the elevator! That’s my favorite. I have requested it every movie, but the people at Marvel really like a little red. They like a little red in there. Which is fine. It’s Cap; I get it.’ – Chris Evans
knitting in the dark 