“One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann was that humans on the Internet are scumbags. People say children are cruel, but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult. Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game. I would look at clips online and see comments like, "Yo, why’s she tweakin?” “Yo, is she retarded?” And my favorite, “Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist. What does she suffer from? We should really pray for her.” One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits: screenwriter, comedian, palsy.“
When disabled people, Autistic and non-autistic, say that they use identity-first language to refer to themselves, a common retort is “I don’t understand why you would define yourself by your disability.” To me, this doesn’t make sense. I call myself disabled because I don’t think my disability needs to be held at arm’s length, not because I believe that I’m autism on legs.
(As with my other traits, I refer to my disability with an adjective-noun construction which is common to the English language. I would also describe myself as a long-haired woman. So far no one has come forward to demand that I instead refer to myself as “an individual with long hair,” or accused me of “defining myself by my hair length.”)
I’m starting to think that when people say “defining yourself by your disability” they really mean “talking about yourself in a way that reflects the belief that your disability is not detachable.”
As new cases of autism have exploded in recent years—some form of the condition affects about one in 110 children today—efforts have multiplied to understand and accommodate the condition in childhood. But children with autism will become adults with autism, some 500,000 of them in this decade alone. What then? Meet Donald Gray Triplett, 77, of Forest, Mississippi. He was the first person ever diagnosed with autism. And his long, happy, surprising life may hold some answers.
This article was written 2010 and some questionable language terminology is used, but it is an interesting read despite that.
“As new cases of autism have exploded in recent years—some form of the condition affects about one in 110 children today—efforts have multiplied to understand and accommodate the condition in childhood. But children with autism will become adults with autism, some 500,000 of them in this decade alone. What then? Meet Donald Gray Triplett, 77, of Forest, Mississippi. He was the first person ever diagnosed with autism. And his long, happy, surprising life may hold some answers.”
EXCEPT, what people need to realise is that ‘person-first’ is not the only way and that for certain people and certain groups, ‘identity-first’ language is preferred by many of their number, the d/Deaf/HoH and a/Autistic communities in particular. (neurowonderful has a good links post about identity-first language in the a/A community HERE.) If someone tells you they prefer identity-first language, RESPECT THIS. Don’t feel that it’s your place to tell them they’re wrong/not PC, explain to them that they ‘are not their illness/disability’ or that they’re ‘letting their illness/disability define them’, or ‘giving in to their illness/disability’.
Disability being seen as an exclusively ‘negative, dehumanising’ thing is incredibly problematic. A disability is a thing a disabled person/person with a disability has to live with. It impacts their day to day life, health and abilities. It does not make that person any less human than anyone else. You know what does that? Telling that person what they’re allowed to call themselves or identify as.
IT IS NOT YOUR DECISION. IT IS NOT YOUR CHOICE. IT’S THEIRS.
If you don’t know what form of language to use with someone, take your cues from them or ask them, ‘what do you prefer?’ if it’s important for your interaction.
And don’t use reclaimed words unless you’re entitled to use them. Someone with mobility issues calling themselves a cripple? Someone with mental health issues calling themselves crazy? They’re allowed to. You calling them or someone else that without permission or prior consent? Don’t.
Awww yeah cripple punk all night cripple punk all day
though I’m more of a soft grunge cripple myself
exhibit number infinity of ableist assholes trying to police disabled people’s identity and proving what narrow-minded eugenicist wastes of space they are.
Living your life now and doing things you care about.
Not putting your life on hold waiting for a cure
But, some kinds of acceptance talk end up putting destructive kinds of pressure on people. And I think:
It’s ok to like or dislike being disabled. It’s ok to like some aspects of your condition but not others
It’s ok to want treatment and to be frustrated that it isn’t available
It’s ok to pursue treatment that *is* available
It’s ok to work hard to gain or keep certain physical or cognitive abilities, and to be happy or proud that you have them
It’s ok to decide that some abilities aren’t worth keeping, and to be happy or proud about moving on from them
All of those things are very personal choices, and no one’s business but your own
None of them are betrayals of acceptance or other disabled people
The point of acceptance is to get past magical thinking.
It means seeing yourself as you actually are, without being consumed by either tragedy or the need to focus on overcoming disability. It means accepting where you are, and living now, without putting your life on hold waiting for a cure.
Acceptance creates abilities. Acceptance makes it easier to be happy and to make good decisions. But acceptance does not solve everything, and it does not come with an obligation to love absolutely every aspect of being disabled.
knitting in the dark 