If you’d like to buy a hard copy of this comic, or just want to talk to John about literally whatever because he’s super down for that, hit him up at JohnathonOLyon@gmail.com.
You can also check out John’s afterword HERE. If you want.
I drew and colored a short comic written by @johnathonolyon that @boyroland lettered, please read it, enjoy it and share it!
#well#this is nice#people are just trying to help#would you rather they didnt try to look after you?
tbh like. this comic is how it feel with anxiety on bad day tho. it’s like. plucking up the nerve to even talk is hard. having to make the first move to talk? harder. hardest of all is talking about something goin wrong in yr life.
it’s like. a constant struggle between wanting to talk/not being able/also not wanting to be a burden. which i *think* is the intended message of this comic.
one way of looking at it is like. anxiety is living in an isolating, solitary bubble. things are awful within the bubble, but you just sit there thinking WELL if i don’t move or speak to anyone or do anything then it can’t get any worse!
and training myself out of that and opening up is the hardest thing i have ever done.
thank you for explaining to me, now i understand more about these things my own brain has never done. i don’t know what i can do to be more of a help during these times but at least i know now?? ❤
Just seen the commentary, and Yep that was pretty much the intention. This drawing was about the self-perpetuated despair and frustration that I can’t always make use of the support I’m lucky to have. In some states, I feel paralysed and genuinely too frightened to verbalise the levels of distress I’m in, in case I upset someone or they don’t know how to help and I will then be responsible for causing them upset and worry. Trying to articulate to someone you love or care about that you might be at serious risk feels dangerous. It’s not about wanting people to go away or stop caring, it’s about the difficulty of allowing yourself to be caught by the safety net others can provide, and recognising that it’s better to do that pre-damage/pre-crisis than not making contact until you’re ringing from hospital feeling like a complete tit.
Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.
Y’know what amuses me about all of these kinds of scenes? When Steve is wearing that uniform in the film, he’s playing Captain Showreel. He’s playing the legend these kids grew up with. He’s seen what it does to Coulson. He knows lower-down operatives would probably be of a similar mindset. So he treats them like the kids who used to chase him for autographs.
They see the suit. They don’t see the irate, PTSD-suffering 25 year old behind it.
we are: a household of three non-binary autistic folks, two of whom have bpd, one of whom is schizophrenic, all of whom struggle with anxiety/depression stuff with all the trimmings. we know brain weird, and we know how hard winter (and especially the holiday season) can be for people like us—cold dim days, noisy crowds everywhere, flashing lights, extra-busy retail jobs, dealing with relatives who don’t get it. we’ve been there, and we want to help ease the passage into the new year with nice things. that’s why we’re making self-care surprise kits to start 2015 off on a good note!
if you are: neurodivergent and/or mentally ill, especially if you’re those things and also trans and/or non-binary, reblog this post to enter our giveaway! (if you simply want to boost this post for your followers to see, please tag accordingly so we know.) be aware that if you win, you will need to give us a mailing address, so if it’s not okay to send a parcel to where you live/get your mail, we’d be happy to send it to a friend who can receive it for you!
self-care kits will include some or even all of the following:
a LUSH gift card
a bath & body works gift card
a handmade beaded bracelet with an uplifting message
a soft little plush friend you can keep in your pocket
an expertly-crafted chain maille stim/fidget toy
unscented candles (we know sometimes scents can be overwhelming)
happy drawings that you can look at when you feel down
LUSH products such as lotion, bath bombs, soaps, etc
stickers
cute bandaids
a link to a little song written especially for the winners
other surprises!
giveaway ends january 1, 2015, when we will select four winners at random out of those who have reblogged this post.
even when you feel alone, there are people out there who understand what you’re going through. your experiences are valid, your needs are important, you are believed, and you matter. ♥
(obligatory disclaimer: we are not associated with or endorsed by tumblr or any company in any official capacity, this is just giving presents to people we haven’t yet met. if you are under the legal age of majority where you live, please consult a guardian before giving out your personal information.)
Reblog if you grew up hotter, gayer, and sadder than you ever imagined
I wasn’t about to reblog, because I was like “IDK about hotter” but then I remembered it was 41C yesterday and it’s going to be 38C today and I thought “well, I guess I assumed when I was a kid that when I was grown-up I’d be able to afford an air conditioner”, so…
THIS IS THE MOST RELEVANT THING I’VE EVER SEEN ON THE INTERNET. EVER.
Casually fixing this every time it crosses my dash.
The OP’s comic: what I was like pre DX.
At least half of the fixed comics: What I’ve come to realise in the years that followed DX. And yet still, often, my default is to the first. Self esteem in the face of brain disorder/dysfunction is hard, guys.
It’s a complicated question to answer, Anon, in part because there’s not “what helped me” so much as “what helps me” — clinical depression, the kind not caused by situation or circumstance (but potentially triggered by it) is not something you cure. Which I don’t think you were implying, but I want to be clear that I didn’t have depression and fix it — I do have it, it’s a chronic condition, and what I have instead of therapy or medication are coping mechanisms. And if you can’t tell when I’m in a depressive episode, well, that’s because of those coping mechanisms.
Second caveat: if therapy helps, or if medication helps, use them. My personal distaste for therapy is not a disbelief in its ability to help people, just a disbelief in its ability to help me, derived from personal experience. The fact that I don’t go to therapy or take medication is more to do with my ability to manage without, because of the relative non-severity of my condition. They are not the optimum weapons for my personal battle. They may be the best for yours.
One of the major signs is my unwillingness to engage with new narratives or ones in which I have an emotional investment — ie, I won’t go to see new movies even if I was really excited about them, BECAUSE I was really excited about them, and I won’t watch new TV shows or even new episodes of shows I like. The emotional impact (even when it’s a good emotion) is too overwhelming, and I know that when I’ve reached a point where I can’t cope with my own emotions, I’m probably going to have a rough few weeks ahead.
I do this. I didn’t know anyone else did. Well, I guess I thought someone must, but I’ve never actually known someone who does it. I know it’s linked to my level of cope, but I didn’t know how anchored it was to my depression/anxiety and how much it was tied to my autism. It’s sort of in that muddly, murky intersectional space, I think.
Do not talk about an obviously disabled person in front of them as if they can’t hear or understand you.
Do not talk to a disabled person’s companion instead of them.
Ask permission before touching people, or their wheelchairs/other equipment. Even if you want to help.
Ask disabled people about their lives and really listen to their answers. (Within reason. Asking people personal questions about their sex lives, for example, is rude unless you are very close to them and they’ve communicated they’re OK with that).
Listen to what they say whether they are speaking, writing, typing, using text to speech, using a letterboard, using PECS, gesturing, using sign language, or using any other form of communication. People who cannot speak can still communicate.
Stand up for people you see getting bullied.
Understand that disabled people don’t just need friends, they can be friends, too.
Every public place does not need to have loud, blaring music and TVs with flashing screens.
If you blog, put bright, flashing images that can trigger seizures under a cut so that people with seizures can avoid looking at them.
If a job can possibly be done without a person driving, don’t require candidates to drive/have a driver’s license, and don’t interview candidates and then reject them because they don’t drive.
When talking to someone who has trouble speaking or stutters, and takes a long time to speak, wait for them to answer. Don’t keep repeating the question or pressuring them. Yes, if you’re like me and your mind is going really fast and you forget what people are saying if they take too long, it can be hard to be patient. Do it anyway.
If you are talking to a deaf person, make it easier for them to lip-read by facing towards them while looking at them, and not covering your mouth with your hands.
If you are talking to someone with hearing impairment or auditory processing disorder, it is more helpful to slow down or rephrase what you’re saying than to just speak more loudly.
Some disabled people have difficulty understanding nonliteral language such as metaphors and idioms (e.g., “a stitch in time saves nine”). If you’re talking to someone like this, try explaining what you mean by these figures of speech, or just not using them.
Recognize that failure to make eye contact does not mean someone is lying to you. It may be uncomfortable for them.
Recognize that unwillingness to go out to loud, crowded bars does not mean someone isn’t interested in socializing with you.
If people have difficulty spelling, or using the appropriate jargon/terminology for your social group, do not assume they’re stupid. You may need to paraphrase some “jargon” for them.
Recognize that a person can need time alone and it doesn’t mean they don’t like you or want to be with you. It’s just something they need so they can function at their best.
If a person does not recognize you, do not assume they don’t care about you. They may be face-blind.
If a person does not remember your birthday (or other major names, numbers, or dates) do not assume they don’t care about you. They may simply have a bad memory.
Understand that a disabled person’s talents, however esoteric, are real, not unimportant “splinter skills.”
Colorblindness affects more than just knowing what color something is. To a colorblind person, colors that they can’t see will look the same if they have the same degree of lightness/darkness. That means that to a red-green colorblind person, a red rose on a green background will blend in instead of contrast starkly, and the Chicago CTA El map will be difficult to understand. Understand that something that stands out to you and seems obvious may literally not be visible to a colorblind person.
Accept stimming.
Don’t tell them “but you look so normal.” But, if they accomplish something you know they were working really hard to do, it’s great to compliment them on it.
Understand that a person can be working incredibly hard to do something and may still not perform as well as you’d like them to, as well as the average person would, or as well as the situation demands.
If someone has a major medical problem, disability, or chronic illness, then just eating some special healthy diet or exercising more isn’t going to cure it. It might help, it might hurt, it might do nothing, but they’ve probably heard it before, and it’s none of your business in any case.
A person with OCD knows that checking or counting or whatever compulsion they perform won’t really prevent disaster from happening, it’s just a compulsion. That doesn’t stop them from feeling the need to do it anyway. A person with anxiety may know at least some of their fears are irrational or unlikely to occur. That doesn’t stop them from feeling anxious. A person with trichotillomania may know it hurts them to pull out their hair or pick at their skin, but they have trouble stopping themselves anyway. A depressed person may know they would feel better if they got out of their house and talked to people, but that doesn’t make them feel any more up to doing those things. A person who hallucinates may know the hallucinations aren’t real, but that doesn’t make them go away or feel less upsetting. You see the pattern? You can’t cure people with mental illnesses by telling them they’re being irrational or hurting themselves. If it were that easy, they’d have cured themselves already.
Do not tell a person with ADHD or mental illness that they should not be taking medication. This is a personal decision. Furthermore, since medications have wide-ranging effects on people’s bodies and minds and often unpleasant side effects, most people taking medications have thought through the issue, done a cost-benefit analysis, and decided that the ability to function better is worth it. Their decision should be respected.
A disabled person with intellectual disability who has the academic or IQ abilities of, say, a seven year old does not actually have the mind of a seven year old. They have different life experiences, needs, stages of life, bodies, and so on.
If a disabled person is having a meltdown, they are not angry, they are terrified. They’re not throwing a tantrum or being aggressive, they have gone into fight or flight. The best thing you can do is remain calm yourself and help them calm down. It may help to keep your distance, keep your voice low and calm, let them retreat to a safe place if they know to do that, or remind them to do so if they don’t. Reasoning with them won’t work well because they’re unlikely to be able to hear and understand you. The worst thing you can do is start yelling yourself, threatening them, be violent to them, cut off their escape route, or get right up in their personal space.
Other ideas? Please reblog and add more. The more the merrier.
knitting in the dark 