raiining:

morethanonepage:

“YOU ASPIRE TO BE CAPTAIN AMERICA BUT YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO FUCK HIM.” <=== precious bb queer Phil Coulson in a nutshell, basically.

Like, precious bb queer Phil Coulson’s code for living is What Would Steve Rogers Do?, but his spank-bank is wall-to-wall Bucky Barnes Being A Smirky, Cheeky Little Shit.  which is appropriate because for real the answer to ‘what would steve rogers do’ actually is ‘bucky barnes’.

Like, maybe there was some awful cheesy promotional calendar of the Howling Commandos that some well-meaning grandma gave Phil when he’s like 12 years old, and he flipped through it, and February was just Bucky standing there in his dress uniform, with his khaki tie slightly undone and his hat at a rakish angle, giving the viewer the old glad-eye, and well basically that’s the year Phil started locking his door and it was February for months at the Coulson house, because 28 days was not nearly enough time for Phil to spend on that picture.   

AND THEN, almost forty years later, ACTUAL BUCKY BARNES shows up on Phil’s doorstep and it’s like, wow, awkward. I mean you’re all messed up mentally and haven’t had a haircut or a hug in literal decades and I feel bad about that, but also I used to masturbate to the idea of you pinning me down and smirking into my neck, so…there is that.

But Phil Coulson is a nice guy who likes projects and hopeless causes, so he takes care of him and cuts his hair and idk, makes him soup and gives him a place to sleep and a couple of Steve-related books to read.

And I’m not saying Bucky, as he starts getting his feet back under him, tries to pay back Phil’s kindness with the sex, leaving Phil to go ‘no, no, we can’t’ to his literally FANTASY BOYFRIEND, because he’s still so messed up and Phil would never take advantage. But I’m not NOT saying that, if you know what I mean.

also like steve/bucky was precious bb queer phil coulson’s OTP, so…he’s not about to get in between them.

No, no – but first Clint is all “he’ll never love me, he has a hard-on for Captain America” and then he talks to, like, Maria or Phil’s sister or somebody and they’re like “HaHaHaHA! Nope. Phil has a Type, he always has, and it’s not Steve Rogers, it’s Bucky Barnes.”

And then JUST when Clint thinks maybe he has a chance, THE REAL Bucky Barnes show up, and Clint’s like “JFC, this is just my luck.”

But then Clint walks in on Steve and Bucky and he’s like “oh my god, Phil, I’m so sorry”

And Phil is “*blink blink* What? No, Bucky and Steve belong together, I know that.”

And Clint is like “Oh, but I thought you had a crush on him. For ages.”

Phil: “(embarrassed) I did, but then I met another hot, smart, snarky marksman who captured my heart, so…”

Clint: “Oh. (Is sad). Is it someone I know?”

Phil: “… Well, it’s you.”

Clint: *blinks*. “What? Really?”

Phil: “I know, I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was -“

Clint: (interrupting) “Shit up. No. Answer the question – REALLY?”

Phil: (glaring) “Yes, really.”

Clint: “REALLY???”

Phil: “JFC, I’m leaving.”

Clint: (grabs him by his lapels and starts kissing him)

Phil: (totally into it. Then blinks and pulls away) “No, wait, but, you – ?”

Clint: “YES! JFC, get the fuck over here.”

Phil: (blinks) “Yes. Yes, of course”

(Back to snogging)