Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful—something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for.
Obviously, that’s not what love is all about. Loving behaviour doesn’t grind you down, keep you off balance, or create feelings of self-hatred. Love doesn’t hurt, it feels good. Loving behaviour nourishes your emotional well-being. When someone is being loving to you, you feel accepted, cared for, valued, and respected. Genuine love creates feelings of warmth, pleasure, safety, stability, and inner peace.
Susan Forward, “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” (via heavyweightheart)
I actually got out of bed just so I could go full rant about this on my computer, so y’all buckle up (thank you for giving me this opportunity lololol)
Okay, so this happened about a year, maybe a year and a half ago. I’m gonna go ahead and make this one public for the benefit of those that didn’t follow me back then, if that’s cool.
Let me preface this by saying that I had taken literally every one of the professor’s classes before then. Partly because they were the only anthropology style class the uni offered, and partly because halfway through the second class I realized that literally everything was the same, except the books, which we never used. Even the assignments were the same, and I had perfected a system of how to do those quickly, easily, and last-minute, lol. So it was pretty much the definition of an easy A, and the prof liked me bc I was nice, actually listened to her even though I’d heard it all before, and didn’t rat her ass out for not actually teaching what she was supposed to, lol.
I should’ve known right there.
So when there was an opportunity to take a Native Americans in North America class with her, I jumped on it. I needed the hours, I obviously knew a lot on the subject already, and it would be another easy a, if history was anything to go by.
It became one of the most frustrating classes I have ever taken.
As always, the class started the same as the others. We started out learning about vocab and models. NBD, we’d get to specifics eventually, right?
Now there are about 16 to 18 weeks in your average semester.
By week 6 we had yet to learn anything about Native history. She’d assigned some reading about the moundbuilder’s archeological sites, but nothing about the modern day. Maybe she was just taking it slow, I thought, though I was bothered by her only talking about Natives in the past tense. But she’d told me in the first class I’d taken with her (years ago by now) that she was enrolled Native, so I didn’t call it out immediately.
We get to week 8, halfway through the semester, she hadn’t covered anything. No mention of treaties, modern movements for civil rights, AIM (American Indian Movement), the illegal overthrow of Hawai’i, buffalo kill offs, smallpox blankets, Chicago museum’s bullshit, NAGPRA (a law protecting grave sites and demanding the return of remains to their Nation by museums and sites, if the Nation will accept them (sometimes they allow the remains to be housed by the museum bc they’re typically more secure there, but that’s very rare)) beyond how it affected archeologists, the different regions, the language families, ghost dance, the flooding of lands by companies illegally, human zoos, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, THE FUCKING TRAIL OF TEARS, NOTHING.
Like your 4th grade history segment, as racist as it probably was, probably was more informative than this bitch was being, okay? And I was getting mad. Y’all know me. Native activism is a huge part of my life, and has been for years. Students were being allowed to say really racist shit unchecked. The prof wasn’t teaching jack. Misinformation was being spread, even by the prof.
It felt like even in a class dedicated to us, we didn’t matter. Our history didn’t matter.
I was fed up.
Then, she pissed me the absolute fuck off. She proceeded to spend the rest of the class talking about South America.
Now, our Indigenous family below the equator absolutely deserve to be discussed. They have so many issues that really, really need to be boosted and respected. We do not raise their voices often enough. But this was a class specifically about North America, and her reasoning for making it otherwise was racist in so many ways.
First, she changed the curriculum outside of its scope because she was “MORE INTERESTED IN SOUTH AMERICA, AND WOULD HAVE TO DO RESEARCH TO TALK ABOUT” the issues I was publicly demanding to know when she would cover. As if her personal interest and ignorance were more important than our lives.
(side note, it turns out she was lying about being enrolled and Native. Her white supremacist brother (not even kidding) had said that a Cherokee woman chief in Minnesota or some shit had enrolled them. I asked her if she meant Wilma Mankiller, the first modern female Cherokee chief. She said no, it was someone else, and in the late nineties, after Wilma would’ve no longer been Chief. I publicly called her out, and even another student jumped in to help, because there was no other woman Chief then, and there was no recognized Nation that far North. Her white supremacist brother had lied bc he felt othered while working near the Din’e on a job site, bc they didn’t include his racist ass, lol. So she’d lied her way into being allowed to teach a class she didn’t even know or care about. So at this point, I was fucking done with her, lol)
She also was showing us old propaganda films, and literally every group she discussed was being painted as ignorant, warlike savages by her and the materials. She even defended a man that intentionally exposed Indigenous peoples with no immunity to certain diseases to said diseases ‘just to see what would happen.’ She recommended his books, including ‘Noble Savages’ to us. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s racist, lmao.
All of this is to say that I was VERY fed up, she (and the class) was VERY racist, and she was going down.
Then her foolish self decided to assign a massive project where we were supposed to ‘teach the class’ about a Native subject (y i k e s, esp. since the class was full of non-Natives). Since I was Fed Up, I decided to skip the usual schooling on cultural appropriation to instead teach everyone (including her) about just a smattering of the important things she hadn’t even mentioned in passing. 🙂
What followed was a 33 page powerpoint.
Apologies for any inaccuracies, and blanket tw for slurs, racism, death, csa, torture, child abuse, etc etc etc
(I added all the regalia pics bc they made me happy and calmed me down, which I was gonna need. I set the presentation up as “Man, I sure had trouble deciding what to make my presentation about. Should I talk about X? Y? Z? This? That? This? And so on until I reached residential schools and Reconciliation as my discussion topic.)
I hope those gifs work. If not, they should be under my “Oka Crisis” tag, or “n i fn a history” and “n i fn a protests” tags. I also had decided early to use the Nations actual names where possible.
Oh look, a quick and easy way to make people realize THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T FUCKING REFER TO US AS SLURS, and here’s how to discuss the issue without being additionally harmful.
OH LOOK, SOURCES
#FreeLeonardPeltier
Getting progressively angrier at this point. The class is smart enough to stay silent.
#MMIW #NoMoreStolenSisters. Please bring them home. Whatever it takes.
Stayed on this slide juuust long enough to stare each person in class down.
Oh look, we’re finally hitting my actual topic. Again, shit’s about to get very heavy. Please read only if you can. I will not be glancing over these to check them rn, bc I can’t. I’m sharing just for y’all to see, and hopefully reblog to educate people.
I honestly wept as I worked on this part. I can’t read it again.
Calling it out.
AYUP. Canadians are so nice and their government isn’t problematic at all
There are survivors that are my age, and younger.
Not letting them forget that this isn’t just in the past. It still wounds us.
It still hurts. We’re still recovering.
I included resources for them, including the prof, to actually educate themselves, since our school sure as shit wasn’t going to do it.
A handful of my sources.
Anyways. I was done. So fucking done. She (the prof) still tried to guide the class back and pretend that it was acceptable that she hadn’t taught them anything. I didn’t let her. I reminded them all that the only reason that this was Canada focused was bc they’d just had the Truth and Reconciliation reports, whereas the US government hasn’t put any effort into assembling data on their atrocities. Go figure.
ok this post canceled due to recent events…I was talkin about some 26 year old pop star calling things “gay” in 2007 not a 50 year old hollywood producer who’s been actively pursuing 14 year old girls since 1976
a very important distinction. it’s one thing to fuck up, as all of us are apt to do, and it’s another thing entirely to be an abusive piece of shit with a history of sexual harassment.
Is it an autism thing to panic whenever someone yells (due to aggression)? Or is that just a conditioned response?
This seems to be really common amongst autistic people.
I think it may be due to difficulties reading people. We often don’t notice signs that a person is getting angry until they start yelling which can set off sensory sensitivities as well.
I’d also like to add that a high percentage of autistics have been physically, verbally, emotionally and/or sexually abused, and have PTSD that can be triggered badly by people shouting or getting in their space or moving in a way that brings back those memories. Our bodies have a warning system highly tuned to recognise when a situation is flipping from ‘weird & uncomfortable’ to ‘last time this happened I got whipped with a belt so hard I bruised’. Given a lot of us also have memories that are different from the norm, sometimes photographic or eidetic, you can see why we might react poorly to highly charged situations.
this is such a bad product. you might have temporary control over your tot but youre just going to make it stronger. whats worse than an uncontrollable baby? an uncontrollable baby who has never missed leg day and could kill you with one kick
Also, those leg weight things aren’t even recommended by a lot of people for adults. I’ve worn then to work out, and they cause a lot of joint pain and unnatural movement. Just imagine what that does, physiologically, to a toddler, who is still growing their bones. You’re essentially putting shackles on your baby. Just use the freaking leash and flip the bird to anyone who judges you for using it. And use the backpack/harness ones, for bob’s sake. The wrist-strap ones can dislocate their shoulder if they run and fall over when it’s at full stretch.
Holy shit i just read the weights on those, the pair on their own is 5lb PER WEIGHT the ones ON THE KID are 10 POUNDS EACH. For those in metric countries, 5lb = 2.25kg. EACH. Or 4.5 kg each for the 10lb ones. (For scale, sacks of potatoes often come in 5kg or 10kg bags.) WHY DON’T YOU JUST CEMENT YOUR KID TO THE FLOOR. My hand weights I use while walking are 1kg each, and they are HEAVY after I’ve held them for longer than about ten minutes. And I’m an ablebodied adult who can drop them completely if I want to or need to. You’re strapping weights many times heavier than that to your baby’s body.
If a kid falls wearing those, not only are they going to be unable to stand, their legs are going to break on either side of those things like dry twigs. You’re gonna have a baby in full leg casts, maybe with a permanent injury if it damages the growth plates. All because you didn’t want to be stared at. Jesus fucking Christ.
Okay, yeah, it’s a joke, but except for how it’s not, because cruelty to kids is real and if these existed, people would buy them. I’m allowed to be upset that this product is plausible, because that’s the kind of world we live in.
Go The Fuck To Sleep is a joke. As we live in a world where kids, especially neurodiverse kids, are regularly, routinely, and ACCEPTABLY restrained and secluded in special and mainstream educational settings and institutions, never mind their own homes, THIS IS NOT A JOKE. It’s a horror story with a Pleasantville, Stepford Wives aesthetic. It’s a joke, unless it’s your body, your bones, your bruises, your PTSD.
this is such a bad product. you might have temporary control over your tot but youre just going to make it stronger. whats worse than an uncontrollable baby? an uncontrollable baby who has never missed leg day and could kill you with one kick
Also, those leg weight things aren’t even recommended by a lot of people for adults. I’ve worn then to work out, and they cause a lot of joint pain and unnatural movement. Just imagine what that does, physiologically, to a toddler, who is still growing their bones. You’re essentially putting shackles on your baby. Just use the freaking leash and flip the bird to anyone who judges you for using it. And use the backpack/harness ones, for bob’s sake. The wrist-strap ones can dislocate their shoulder if they run and fall over when it’s at full stretch.
Holy shit i just read the weights on those, the pair on their own is 5lb PER WEIGHT the ones ON THE KID are 10 POUNDS EACH. For those in metric countries, 5lb = 2.25kg. EACH. Or 4.5 kg each for the 10lb ones. (For scale, sacks of potatoes often come in 5kg or 10kg bags.) WHY DON’T YOU JUST CEMENT YOUR KID TO THE FLOOR. My hand weights I use while walking are 1kg each, and they are HEAVY after I’ve held them for longer than about ten minutes. And I’m an ablebodied adult who can drop them completely if I want to or need to. You’re strapping weights many times heavier than that to your baby’s body.
If a kid falls wearing those, not only are they going to be unable to stand, their legs are going to break on either side of those things like dry twigs. You’re gonna have a baby in full leg casts, maybe with a permanent injury if it damages the growth plates. All because you didn’t want to be stared at. Jesus fucking Christ.
It’s definitely a positive thing that all these sexual predators in Hollywood are getting outed, but I hope we’re also prepared to make the connection between these allegations and exactly why so many former child stars end up dead or institutionalised before they turn 30. These are not unconnected phenomena. Like, I realise the whole “former child star meltdown” meme is a comedy goldmine, but maybe some awareness of what we’re really laughing at?
^^^^
The percentage of drug users who are child abuse victims is not a small one. And there is a connection. Think about it.
Living with my parents has become a hell to endure, and my dad has been upping his abusive asshole game continuously over the past months thinking that was somehow going to convince to not be a transman anymore. Nearly a month ago I came back home from work to find that he threw out my “boy” clothes because he was sick of “dealing with my delusions”, he keeps threatening to send me to a concentration camp or to force me to see a religious counselor and misgendering me while putting an emphasis on the she whenever im around while my mom just stands there in the background doing nothing. His actions have been getting more and more hostile, and I can’t take it anymore.
So I’m going to run away to go live with my brother since I’ve just turned 18, he agreed to it but we’re both practically broke we can’t afford the entire cost of the trip from Vermont to Kentucky. I still need an extra 120 dollars. Guys if you can please spare a dollar or two I would forever be grateful, or please just reblog this or boost it !!
I really need to get away from my trashy transphobic parents as soon as possible, so any donation or reblog would be sooooo appreciated !!
So far people have donated 71 dollars so I’m halfway to what i need! Thank you so much to all of you who have donated ! I appreciate every single dollar !! And thank you also to people who are reblogging and signal boosting !
And it’s shitty that I was considered mature and praised for those things, and all of those characteristics have translated into me being an immature, “bad adult.”
Now I
Have difficulty making a keeping friends
Can’t act without permission/am dependent on others for direction
Am terrible at communicating
Have no agency/personal compass
It’s a really difficult thing for people who were abused as children to grapple with.
What made us good children make us bad adults.
This is Important
THIS IS MY LIFE WOW
Conversely, while 90% of the time we’re kind and polite and accommodating, we get super fucking angry and have major outbursts when we feel threatened Which is not a good look either
Additionally: not knowing how to stand up for yourself or how to talk about difficult things because the default is to shut down and take it. Because standing up or showing emotion when doing so is seen as having an attitude.