Things I need: An AU where Bucky hosts a youtube channel cooking anything and everything and his commentary has this dry sassy humor.
He’d have a different apron each episode ranging from the plain, ones with puns, ones with various other sayings, and ones with various patterns.
Sometimes he’d vlog while visiting a market or something, he’d point to a freezer full of meat and be all “welp guess they finally found that winter soldier guy”
“how does this dude wield a knife so well”
“where does this guy get all his aprons”
things i knead
Can we somehow combine this with Eliot Spencer guest starring on the show? In his own punny apron and scary good knife skills? Pretty please?
“And today, we’re going to show you how to break down a chicken.”
“Make sure your knives are clean of any foreign matter first also. Cross-contamination is a thing.”
“How did you get foreign matter on your knife today?”
“Don’t ask. Let’s just say the guy now has a very distinctive walk that will let Interpol nail him shortly.”
Harry Potter AU where Harry is hiding in the cabinet in Borgin and Burkes. And he sees Lucius grab Draco with his cane. And he hears the hiss, “What did I tell you?” And he hears the quiver in the blonde boy’s voice, “Don’t touch anything.”
And Harry knows.
Because he’s used the voice that Draco uses for the past twelve years.
He knows.
Because now that he’s lived with the Weasleys for over a month, he knows that that’s not the way that a father’s voice should be.
He knows.
He’s heard Vernon use that voice over and over again, day after day, year after year.
And he knows.
And he acts.
Because really other than being a spiteful little git, at this point, Draco really hasn’t done anything to truly harm Harry. And Harry’s twelve. He’s still young, still innocent, easy to forgive, easy to let his “saving people thing” get the better of him.
He doesn’t do magic. Not really. At least, he doesn’t mean to. Well, he does. But he tries to stop himself. Though it’s not a very good attempt. Either way, the jars on the shelves all shatter, their contents falling onto Lucius’ head.
And Harry bursts out of the cabinet and he grabs a very startled Draco’s hand and he pulls him out of the shop. And they’re running down the dark, grim, streets. And it’s not long before they get lost since Harry doesn’t even know where they are, let alone where they’re going.
But Draco knows exactly where they are and so he tugs Harry down a road and around the corner and suddenly, they’re in Diagon Alley. And Harry’s shocked and confused because how could such a terrible place exist next to such a wonderful one?
But they don’t have time for that now because Lucius is charging after them, green spells bursting out of the end of his wand. And Draco lets out a scream and Harry (bless him) wonders aloud what kind of spells the green ones are.
And Draco is tugging his arm so hard that he thinks it’s going to come out of his socket. And the boys run as fast as they can, pushing through the crowd, and Harry’s probably apologizing and Draco’s screaming at him to move and apologize later.
And Harry sees the mob of red heads and he’s screaming for their assistance.
Fred and George spot him first, right as their mother is asking, “Where on earth could Harry be?”
“Found him,” the twins say.
Gasps. Screams. School supplies tumbling to the ground.
And Arthur and Molly, oh Arthur and Molly, veterans of the original Order of the Phoenix, drawing their strength from parental love, they don’t even hesitate. They grab Harry and Draco and Ron and Hermione and Ginny and Fred and George and Percy and they shove them into the nearest shop.
And the kids are all huddled together, Percy and the twins standing in front of the younger ones, and it’s Ron who manages to whisper, “What’s Malfoy doing here?” Before Hermione stomps on his foot.
And the duel!
The duel is fantastic.
Arthur and Molly verses Lucius.
Just close your eyes and imagine.
And soon Arthur is able to summon other Ministry workers. Including a strange looking man with a strange eye, a man whose skin is slightly darker than Hermione’s, and a girl with bright pink hair who is barely older than Percy.
The battle’s over before it even begins. These strange new people grab Lucius and Apparate away and of course he’ll buy himself out of trouble in no time but at least the immediate threat is gone.
Gilderoy Lockhart timidly steps out and squeaks that it’s a shame that he wasn’t there to stop the duel, that he knew just the hex that could have finished it.
The crowd falls into the streets, praising Arthur and Molly who are quite flustered by all of the attention. Fred and George are clapping their parents on their back, doing a sort of chant. Ron is bragging about how he managed to get a shot in (he hadn’t). Percy is excitedly talking to his father about the legal procedures that Lucius will face. Ginny and Hermione are going around, collecting all of the school supplies that they dropped. Ginny finds a rather unusual book but she dismisses it as something that her parents bought and stuffs it into her bag.
And Harry and Draco. Harry and Draco are staring at one another, not saying a word but having a conversation nonetheless.
Molly finally says that they ought to get back to the Burrow, away from this post-battle excitement. The kids all groan but she and Arthur push them back to the Leaky Cauldron so that they can use the Floo. Draco shuffles along, not knowing where else to go. It’s not until Molly gestures towards the fireplace with a smile that he realizes that his life is about to change.
From there…well…I’ll let you think of the possibilities…
I’m sorry but i need the 200k word fanfic on my desk by this evening. Them’s the breaks, i didn’t make the rules, you know.
b99 au: everything is exactly the same except stephanie beatriz plays charles and joe lo truglio plays rosa
episode idea: jake gets knocked out and has some vivid dream and we get to see this for every other character. charles and rosa switch. gina is played by andre braugher. hitchcock is a responsible captain and amy is hanging with scully. the part of Amy is now played by Terry and hes flirting with Jake.
Vintage Leverage. The post-war economy boom provides many advantages for soldiers coming home and their families, but it also increases the number of companies, as well despicable individuals, who prey on innocents. Veterans who were promised education and business loans, but fell victims to scams; women losing their jobs on false pretenses; families robbed of insurance money. They had no one to turn to, until a group of former soldiers assembled an unusual team specializing in recovering compensation for their victimized clients. Staging elaborate cons, they provide… leverage.
okay but imagine that james wasn’t in the house that halloween. he was talking to dumbledore or out to get groceries or anything that has him out of the house. so lily is home alone but she still sacrifices herself for her son, so the curse still rebounds and hits voldemort and “kills” him. so harry is still the boy who lived, but james is alive.
and of course it’s awful. it’s a terrible moment, burying lily. james is devestated and has no idea how he’s going to raise harry alone. he has to testify that peter betrayed the order, because he’s alive to pass on the knowledge that peter was his secret keeper, not sirius. sirius doesn’t go to prison because he’s too busy helping james cope with lily’s death to go after peter, and peter’s already faked his death by the time he can leave james.
remus and sirius move in with james to help take care of harry, because he swears he can’t do it on his own. remus doesn’t have to focus on rent and food money because james tells him he’s family, so he can focus on a job he actually enjoys such as editing or writing, something freelance so he can take full moons off and no one will wonder why.
sirius refuses to get any job beside full time babysitter, curls up as padfoot and keeps harry warm and safe, especially when the boy gets older and starts having nightmares about what happened to his mom.
harry is raised in the wizarding world, with the most protective family of anyone he’s ever met, and invites ron and hermione over to his house during the summer and somehow padfoot always gets them into some sort of trouble.
when harry goes through hardships at hogwarts, he always has his dad to turn to. james would stroke his hair back from his forehead and kiss his son’s scar and remind him, “your mother was the most brilliant witch there ever was and she’s watching over you, so you’ll never have to worry.”
even when pettigrew comes back and revives voldemort, james is on the quidditch pitch the minute harry comes back with the cup and cedric’s dead body, remus and sirius right behind him and swearing he’ll destroy anyone who doesn’t take his son seriously.
the fight at the ministry harry’s fifth year, james would remind sirius to keep focused, remind him not to get overwhelmed with adrenaline and to focus, and would watch not just harry’s back but his best friends’ too. when he sees sirius too focused on making fun to notice bellatrix amazing a curse straight at him, he dives in front of it to push sirius out of the way and ends up in St. Mungo’s after the fight, a little bruised and battered but with promises that he’ll heal and a sheepish apology from Padfoot in the former of an old, drool covered chew toy.
when harry disappears seventh year, he and james keep in contact with the magical mirrors that belonged to sirius and james paces the kitchen every evening, listening to potterwatch and shrugging off Sirius’ shoulder on his hand telling him that their boy will be okay because he’s incredibly smart and incredibly brave and honestly mate how’d you make such an amazing boy?
and then the fight at hogwarts happens. remus and sirius have each other’s backs and james just wants to find harry. he does, a little too late, being carried out of the woods in hagrid’s arms. he breaks down and drops to his knees and remus and sirius look at each other and think, “there is no way we can fix him after this.”
but then harry is back and voldemort is dead and james’ face is tear stained and they’re all worn out and bruised but their family is alive and sirius, a little hesitantly, offers, “…so who wants ice cream?”
knitting in the dark 