You’ve seen the posts. Not genuine PSAs about current events or fundraisers or missing persons or the latest government fuckery. I’m talking about the ones that are the digital equivalent of chain letters. The ones that threaten you or your loved ones or your pets or something if you don’t reblog. The ones that imply that if you DON’T reblog some trite generalised wish of goodwill to other people then you’re somehow a bad person and you’re actively willing the opposite.
This is magical thinking BULLSHIT.
It’s gross and it’s bullying and it’s wrong.
I have anxiety. I have self-esteem issues, I have self-worth issues, I already feel like I am letting people down every day, for no reason.
So when, out of habit, you reblog that thing, the thing that says ‘reblog this to help xyz’ as though it magically has the power to do anything, usually with a bunch of reblogs below judging anyone who doesn’t, know that you are making people like me feel that little bit worse.
My reblog won’t magically protect your pet from harm this year or protect your laptop or protect all the millions of people out there on this planet from flood, fire, famine or stubbed toe. Your judgement of those who don’t reblog these banalities CAN do harm.
The ones I like? ‘Have you taken your meds?’ ‘Get up and stretch.’ ‘Have you drunk enough water?’ ‘You’re a good person, I know you’re trying.’ The ones that actively help people keep themselves safe and healthy, and have NO EXPECTATION OR REQUIREMENT of those seeing them to reblog. And those who do? The comments aren’t a guilt trip, they’re often thanks. ‘Oh thank you, I had forgotten.’ ‘That feels so much better, thank you.’ and ‘I really needed to see this right now.’
If you’re reblogging something because of ingrained superstition or guilt, please just take a moment and think WHY. And then if you actually want to reblog, do it, but remember – you are spreading this out in the world, and your actions aren’t benign.
^^all of this.
I have anxiety, too, and those guilt-trip post used to set me off into a downward spiral that could last days. In my earliest days I might even reblog them, but it wouldn’t really assuage the guilt. It’s such emotionally manipulative bullshit that is helping nobody.
If you are like me and anxious about not reblogging it, maybe frame it like this: by not reblogging, you are protecting your followers and mutuals from facing the same situation.
It helps me – I have a protective streak a mile wide and have always over-identified with helping people. I am the guard to the content I reblog – I tag them for you to blacklist or to find again later. And I have sworn an oath not to reblog those chain-posts, any form of the ‘why is nobody talking about this’, ‘you just don’t care if you don’t reblog’. And because I have cast this role for myself, standing between you and these irrational guilt-trips, I can pass those posts by with only a minor twinge these days.
Don’t fall into the trap of reblogging. And if it’s a good post but has bs comments on it, go to the source and reblog from there.
You’ve seen the posts. Not genuine PSAs about current events or fundraisers or missing persons or the latest government fuckery. I’m talking about the ones that are the digital equivalent of chain letters. The ones that threaten you or your loved ones or your pets or something if you don’t reblog. The ones that imply that if you DON’T reblog some trite generalised wish of goodwill to other people then you’re somehow a bad person and you’re actively willing the opposite.
This is magical thinking BULLSHIT.
It’s gross and it’s bullying and it’s wrong.
I have anxiety. I have self-esteem issues, I have self-worth issues, I already feel like I am letting people down every day, for no reason.
So when, out of habit, you reblog that thing, the thing that says ‘reblog this to help xyz’ as though it magically has the power to do anything, usually with a bunch of reblogs below judging anyone who doesn’t, know that you are making people like me feel that little bit worse.
My reblog won’t magically protect your pet from harm this year or protect your laptop or protect all the millions of people out there on this planet from flood, fire, famine or stubbed toe. Your judgement of those who don’t reblog these banalities CAN do harm.
The ones I like? ‘Have you taken your meds?’ ‘Get up and stretch.’ ‘Have you drunk enough water?’ ‘You’re a good person, I know you’re trying.’ The ones that actively help people keep themselves safe and healthy, and have NO EXPECTATION OR REQUIREMENT of those seeing them to reblog. And those who do? The comments aren’t a guilt trip, they’re often thanks. ‘Oh thank you, I had forgotten.’ ‘That feels so much better, thank you.’ and ‘I really needed to see this right now.’
If you’re reblogging something because of ingrained superstition or guilt, please just take a moment and think WHY. And then if you actually want to reblog, do it, but remember – you are spreading this out in the world, and your actions aren’t benign.
For the person who asked, it looks like the Blaze is getting the Relax mode, but doesn’t look like it’s been rolled out yet. At least, I don’t think so.
So, my Fitbit finally arrived! For those following the saga, yes, this is the Fitbit that I ordered through redemption in OCTOBER. My gym finally sent an email out that they were no longer with the promotion company and my Fitbit was on its way. Less than a week later…
So far I really like it. It seems to track my workouts fine. I’m a bit frustrated at the app, at finding the stats I’m used to seeing. I’m unused to thinking of my workouts in steps, not distances. I never had pedometer measurements from my phone.
One amusing thing is that apparently if I rock at the right intensity it counts as steps. Which I guess, yeah, it’s burning energy.
Also, my resting rate if sitting up seems to be 80-100bpm, which I guess is the anxiety. I mean, it’d be nice if I was actually burning fat sitting on my couch feeling afraid of everything, but I doubt it.
So today is a bad day. I just had a bath with my Sakura bath bomb, @kath-ballantyne is making me food, and we may make pear ice cream later with the little corella pears that never ripened that she put in to roast in the oven.
Which is all lovely. But it felt like the hardest thing in the world to even move. I couldn’t go to the gym even though the exercise might help because just the thought of leaving the house made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
When I get like this it’s paralysing. I know I’m hungry but I can’t do anything about it. I am literally unable to open my mouth and say, “I need food.” The words are there, the need to eat is there, but I cannot speak, let alone go to the kitchen, look at what we have and come up with a meal, even if that meal is just juice drunk from the carton.
I can’t focus enough to read, even when I know escapism would be helpful. I can’t game. The will to do things is there, but the actual ability is as inaccesible to me as if I never had it at all.
I left the water in the bath. I may get in it again later, if I need to.
Today was a Bad Day, anxietywise. I slept badly, I had to make a stressful phone call, and then we had a bunch of things that we had to leave the house for which Could Not be put off. We’d just done the third thing on the list and were swinging back to the grocery store end of the shopping centre when my partner hesitated and pulled fifteen dollars from her pocket and asked if I wanted to go to Lush.
I didn’t need to. I shouldn’t; I mean, we’re trying to save money. But the fact that she noticed I was struggling and offered something to help me through nearly made me cry on the spot.
Then, when I’d just gone in, and she’d wandered next door into Build-A Bear, suddenly, she was back with me, though usually just walking past Lush can give her a headache. “It wasn’t bothering me too badly so I thought I’d join you,” she said.
So we smelled some bath bombs and some soaps and settled on a thin slice of Rock Star, which I’ve wanted to try since I bought some for my sister last year, and Unicorn Horn, a Valentine’s day special bubble bar.
Then, when I got home, I ran the water as deep as I can in Mum’s broken spa bath and added just the tip of the bubble bar, just enough to make it bubble just enough. And it helped. It really did.
So, you know, my partner is just the greatest and I love her more than I can say.
Wasn’t feeling too bad when I got up this morning until a (non-autistic) friend of my mum’s who’s here brainstorming schoolwork stuff with her felt the need to tell me that my executive function/anxiety/etc was ‘exactly like hers’ and how she was able to get through uni and a career by asking god for help and I’m just…..
So now I’m reading my tumblr and stimming like mad with my Tangle and trying not to cry.
a good thing to do for your friends with anxiety disorders: if you have a question you need to ask them or something you need to tell them, explain the subject of the question/the statement in the same message as your opening one!
so basically: instead of saying “can i ask you a question?” and sending just that (which, as a person with an anxiety disorder, makes my anxiety go into hyperdrive) go “can i ask you a question about ___?”
it’s a little thing but honestly few things make me anxious like “i have a question for you” or “there’s something i need to tell you” without immediate explanation. thanks!
“call me, nothing is wrong, just wanna talk on the phone” would be so much better than “Call me.”
Actually please to all of this please.
YES PLEASE.
YES THIS OK????? Like I have trained my husband to say “nothing bad, I just need to call you because it’s too much to type.” It helps SO MUCH. Just let me prepare myself, because I guarantee my imagination will take me to much much darker places.
Might I add, if someone with anxiety has just said something to you that’s a lot to process, and you need some time to think about what to say in response, please consider a quick “I’m not ignoring you, I need to think about what to say and I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
Because that definitely saves your friend with anxiety a lot of strife and assuming they’ve ruined your friendship forever. Nothing is crueler than a “Seen 2:25pm” when it’s 10am the next day and you’re waiting on a reply to a huge confession.
Normally I don’t acknowledge my anxiety very much but to any of my friends this would genuinely be helpful. Thanks
Bonus: even if you don’t struggle with anxiety, this can really help cut down on miscommunication caused by text-monotone! My roommate and I use these a lot to keep from accidentally getting into arguments.
Hi! Thanks for reading my post. We don’t have much choice about the
all-in-one-day thing – we live an hour and a half from the nearest big
town. So there’s three hours driving just to go and buy something, so
getting it all done together is the only way that we can afford it, both
in energy levels and in petrol. When we lived closer to civilisation
we’d space things out more, but this is the best way we’ve found to do
things living remote.
My village is very quiet – small population
of maybe 120 at most, so I might pass a couple of cars or a tourist or
two or a few people outside the pub, but apart from that it’s fairly
solitary, and if I really don’t want to meet anyone, I walk out bush
rather than sticking to the roads. I have headphones, Irlen tints that
are fairly dark, and a hat this time of year since it’s summer.
knitting in the dark 