jake on queer eye
antoni, pouring a glass of water: pls drink this
tan: a leather jacket… over a hoodie… over a plaid shirt? what’s the inspiration behind this?
jake: bisexuality
jake: so my dad left when i was 7-
karamo, signing adoption papers: i am your father now
jake, already sobbing: not sure how my other gay black work dad will feel about this
bobby: so im gonna renovate ur house, really make the place organized
jake, sweating in adhd: uh not sure how long that will last
jonathan, putting away his razors in shock: wait what do you mean you physically can’t grow one?
holt, bursting through the doors in dramatic gay fashion: who is this ‘karamo brown’ and why are we involved in a custody battle?
Tag: adhd
Can you explain why you think Jake Peralta has ADHD?
I’m actually really glad you asked because oooh boy, let met tell you, Jake Peralta, in my humble opinion as a fellow sufferer, is currently the single most obvious but sadly non confirmed (yet… one can still hope) fictional character with (most likely) undiagnosed ADHD out there. His strengths as well as his flaws all point towards him having the disorder.
So let me start with the good things:
– He’s a quick thinker! He thinks in unconventional ways with his mind taking leaps and turns whenever it feels like it. Often allowing him to solve cases in creative ways. … It also makes for interesting conversations most of the time.
– Using his impulsivity in a good way! When he figures something out, he’s usually the first one to get up AND DO SOMETHING.
– Excitability! Have you seen how his eyes lights up when he feels like he’s doing what he thinks is right? He becomes like a little hyperactive child again. Usually, adults with the disorder, aren’t as much outwardly hyperactive anymore as children are. Instead, this tends to turn into feelings of restlessness and gets internalized. But of course, in a show like this, it makes sense to show him like this.
– Hyperfocus! Die Hard, anyone?! That guy has had the same hyperfixation for years!!! And I bet, he frequently uses his hyperfocus capability to get things done, too. That is, if he’s interested enough, of course.
– His energetic personality! Brings some energy and passion into the work place, don’t you think? And also it’s how many adults with ADHD are perceived if they feel well-integrated and at ease with their surroundings. Always the one coming up with new ideas? That’s us!
Now onto the not so good stuff when you’re the one struggling with it:
– Again, impulsivity. Saying the first thing that comes to your mind, talking… A Lot, acting without thinking and without regard for consequences. As seen on the show, it has not always been the best “decision” for him.
– Mood swings! Unfortunately, many are not aware of this fact but in many cases, ADHD actually comes with fast and frequent mood swings. The smallest things can trigger intense emotional responses. Jake definitely has that as he tends to jump from “Life is meaningless!” to “I’m the greatest!” without a problem. Just solved a case? I’M SO HAPPY!!! Oh no, they got away with it? Why bother anymore…… Yeah, that…
– You know the episodes where he and Captain Holt are undercover as part of the Witness Protection Program and Holt points out how Jake seems depressed lately? Yeah, people with ADHD can way too easily fall into this mindset (mood swings, anyone?). With the absence of regular work to keep his fast-pacing mind occupied, it’s not a surprise that he starts feeling this way.
– Not able to handle boredom! He has always something going. Games, ideas, looking for new cases. He never slows down and seems to keep himself occupied at all times. Classic ADHD!
– The way he handles words and numbers, anyone? How he never reads books? Oh, and then his troubles with finances? His locker and desk looking… like that? Classic signs of troubles with organisation and attention to me.
– Easily discouraged! It can’t be denied that he hasn’t had an easy childhood. Together with the troubles with his father, ADHD could be a way to explain why he now is the way he is.
– Problems with low self-esteem (*cough* and definitely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)! Either he feels like THE BEST COP OUT THERE or he falls into this thinking pattern where you have trouble believing that people actually care about you. Probably something he should talk about in therapy, as he puts it himself.
Together with his tendency to procrastinate when it comes to boring stuff, his inability to express and cope with his feelings sometimes, his forgetfulness and not so ideal time management (for example, being late to work all the time), I strongly believe that Jake Peralta has ADHD and should be written and confirmed as such (hey, it’s never too late!).
An episode focusing on him suspecting he has the condition and eventually seeing a specialist? I’d cry. Honestly.Plus:
The fact that so many real people with the disorder relate to him??? Okay, that’s not actually relevant here but definitely something the writers should take into consideration. BUT, don’t feel bad if you don’t! Not everyone’s ADHD is the same! 🙂Psst, you won’t believe how many times I sit there thinking “that’s so me!” while watching the episodes. There’s even more “evidence” sprinkled throughout the show. All the small details not listed aboved. It’s marvelous and oh-so-relatable.
And just imagine the many excited faces watching the show when a main character on a immensely popular show like this would be confirmed as being one of them! Just thinking of the tiny, tiny, TINY possibility puts me into happy stimming mode!!! It would also help increase awareness in those who may not know anything about it and help reduce prejudices ‘cause ding dong, ADHD is not a fake disorder and adults can have it, too. Surprise!
(P.S. Please also check out this awesome post!)
love that adhd feel when “and there goes my ability to read”
why u ask?
– it’s too noisy
– my brain keeps thinking too many Thoughts
– re-read it again till u die
– BOREDOM!!!
– constantly zoning out
– the tiny sound in the distance
– too stressed out because I CAN’T READisn’t adhd fun!!!
– wait… that’s not what it said… or is it?
– i just skipped eight lines wtf
– is this English?
– where the fuck was i
– *gets up to do something* *never returns*
– wait how long have I been reading for
– I remember Nothing (except for a few unnecessary things in excruciating detail )
– must move NOW
– font bad
– song stuck in my head
*GETS UP TO DO SOMETHING* *NEVER RETURNS*
The not being able to read, in all seriousness, is one of the most upsetting, stressmaking manifestations of my ADHD. Reading has always been the way I check out, escape, relax, and when my brain stops letting me focus enough to read, I lose that outlet, and it makes the agitation and stress and anxiety WORSE. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle of suck.
things I wish autism research actually tried to figure out:
- why caffeine works for some of us, but not all, and even then it often depends on the way you take it and the dosage
- how come all of us have gastrointestinal problems?
- addendum to the above: what exactly are our gastrointestinal problems? are we genetically more likely to have autism be comorbid with gluten sensitivity/colitis/IBS/lactose intolerance/whatever else or is it something completely different? is it psychosomatic? the fuck
- okay but how does being sensory-seeking work. and what does stimming do to your brain. what neurological function are we facilitating with flapping hands and rocking back and forth and spinning? wouldn’t it be great if we had a serious long-term study of the brain on stimming?
- are you more likely to be autistic and LGBT?
- what are things we do better than neurotypicals?
but no it’s always “how do we train the animals to be something they’re not” or “but what made you this way??” or “Time To Find A Cure”
- why do we all have sleep disorders
- what’s up with the joint problems
- and the faceblindness
- what are the communication patterns here? how come I can meet one autistic person and immediately grok how they communicate, and be confused by another, but all neurotypicals are confusing? what’s going on with that?
- how much of what we currently recognise as ‘autistic symptoms’ are actually ptsd symptoms? or autistic ptsd symptoms?
ALL. OF. THIS.
OK, so I decided to check out which of these had been researched and what they found.
Caffeine – not much, but this study looks interesting. It suggests that if you’re not a regular caffeine consumer, caffeine might temporarily make you act less autistic.
Oh, hey, this study has a potential answer to both caffeine response and sleep problems! There’s apparently an enzyme that affects both caffeine and melatonin metabolism.
GI issues – this study didn’t find a link. The rate of GI issues was 9% for both autistic and NT children. The most common GI issues for both groups were food intolerance, usually lactose intolerance.
This study found a much higher prevalence of GI issues in autistic kids (17%), although they didn’t compare them with NTs. They also suggest that there may be a link between regression and GI issues, and confirm yet again that the MMR vaccine has nothing to do with autism. The most common GI issue they found was constipation, followed by diarrhea and food allergies.
This study compared GI issues between autistic kids and NT siblings. They found that 83% of the autistic sample and 28% of their siblings had at least one possibly-GI-related symptom. They also give data on specific GI symptoms, such as gaseousness (54% of autistics and 19% of siblings), abdominal discomfort (44% of autistics and 9% of siblings), and so forth. They found 20% of autistics and 2% of siblings had three or more poops per day, 32% of autistics and 2% of siblings had consistently watery poops, and 23% of autistics and none of their siblings had large changes in consistency. Also, apparently parents felt that 49% of the autistics and none of the siblings had particularly foul-smelling poops. And another for the sleep question – this study found 51% of autistics and 7% of siblings had sleep problems, with sleep problems being more common in autistic kids with GI issues.
Stimming and Sensory-Seeking – I couldn’t find much. This study I found is interesting, but it’s about more OCD-like compulsions, not actually stimming.
Oh, here’s something. A big detailed review of neurophysiological findings of sensory processing in autism.
LGBT – I’ve written up stuff about this elsewhere, but in short, autistic people, especially AFAB autistics, are definitely more likely to be asexual, bisexual, kinky and trans. Some relevant studies here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, and there’s plenty more to be found.
Autistic Strengths – Well, Laurent Mottron and his team, including autistic rights advocate Michelle Dawson, have done a lot of research on what they term ‘enhanced perceptual functioning’, which they theorize explains the Block Design peak sometimes seen in autistic people. (Block Design is one of the subtests of the Weschler’s IQ test, and autistic people often show a relative strength on this test relative to other subtests on this test.) In general, I highly recommend looking at their research. It really shows what can happen when an autistic person gets involved in autism research.
This study by a different research team finds that children gifted in realistic still-life drawing have higher rates of repetitive behavior typical of autism (though none of their sample were actually autistic), and show similar visuospatial profiles to autistic kids.
This study finds that perfect pitch is associated with autistic traits. On the AQ, musicians with perfect pitch scored higher on the imagination and attention-switching subscales than musicians without perfect pitch and non-musicians. This study found a subset of autistic kids have extremely good pitch perception, with no relationship to musical training.
People in STEM fields are more likely to be autistic or have autistic relatives, especially mathematicians. (Which probably comes as no surprise to anyone who’s spent time in the math department of any university.) This study also finds that autistic kids tend to be better at math.
Sleep – as a couple studies above mentioned, sleep issues in autism could be related to melatonin metabolism or GI issues. This study found that 53% of autistic kids, 46% of kids with intellectual disabilities and 32% of NT kids have sleep problems. Autistic kids are both slower to fall asleep and more likely to wake up early than NT kids.
This study found a correlation between autistic traits and sleep problems in autistic kids. Repetitive behavior is related with being slower to get to sleep and not getting as many hours of sleep per night; communication problems are related to being slower to get to sleep, not getting as much sleep, and parasomnias (night terrors, restless leg syndrome, etc); and social differences are related to being slower to get to sleep, not getting as much sleep, waking up at night, parasomnias and breathing problems while sleeping.
This study found a strong correlation between sleep problems and sensory hypersensitivity among autistic kids. And this study found that autistic and/or intellectually disabled kids showed strong correlations between poor sleep, anxiety and behavior problems.
And this study found that 67.9% of autistic kids have sleep problems, and parents of kids with sleep problems were under more stress. Boys and younger children had more sleep problems.
Joint problems – This study found that people with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that causes joint hypermobility, were more likely to be autistic. (And also to have mood disorders and attempt suicide.)
This study suggests that people with joint hypermobility have larger amygdala and various other brain structural differences, which was correlated with anxiety and higher sensitivity to internal body sensations. And this study found that 31.5% of people with ADHD and 13.9% of NTs have benign joint hypermobility syndrome.
Faceblindness – This study confirms that prosopagnosia (faceblindness) is more common among autistic people, with 67% having some degree of facial recognition difficulties.
This study reviews three theories about why autistic people have prosopagnosia, and concludes that the most likely of the three theories is the idea that avoiding eye contact impairs face recognition.
This study found that autistic people are slower to notice faces in scenes, and pay less attention to faces.
The last two questions I’m not really sure where to start.
3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks
“When we step back and ask, “What does everyone with ADHD have in common, that people without ADHD don’t experience?” a different set of symptoms take shape.
From this perspective, three defining features of ADHD emerge that explain every aspect of the condition:
1. an interest-based nervous system
2. emotional hyperarousal
3. rejection sensitivity”
Oh
I’m reblogging first, then clicking through to read the article (less likely to lose it or forget to do either), but just from the piece quoted – oh. Yes. That does lay it out rather succinctly, doesn’t it?
I needed this when I was fucking TEN.
Interesting fact: this article was written by Dr Dodson, who introduced the term ‘RSD’ for ADHD.
“THE ADULT ADHD CIRCADIAN CLOCK MAY BE INCORRECTLY SET BETWEEN 4AM AND NOON” WOULD EXPLAIN A HELL OF A LOT ABOUT MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE
tbh I wish I’d known this earlier on in my life. I’ve always naturally slept from 4am-12pm when my body is allowed to choose its own rhythm.
… This is EXACTLY what I fall into, too.
Does anyone have an actual source?
https://apsard.org/are-you-a-night-owl-about-adhd-and-late-sleep/
ADHD is related to several sleep problems, but the most frequent seems the delayed sleep phase syndrome, a disturbance of the circadian rhythm. Research of children and adults with ADHD (when compared to controls) shows that the majority of these individuals has a late sleep onset that is associated with a late onset of the sleep hormone melatonin (van der Heijden et al, 2005; van Veen et al, 2010). Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland in the brain when it is getting dark in the evening, and we wake up by light in the morning. The onset of the melatonin production helps to fall asleep. For most adults the onset of melatonin is around 9.30 pm; in ADHD children compared to controls this occurs at least 45 minutes later, and in adults with ADHD even 90 minutes (van der Heijden ea, 2005; van Veen ea 2010). After melatonin onset, it normally takes 2 hours to fall asleep, but in adults with ADHD it takes at least 3 hours (Bijlenga et al, 2013). So it does make sense that so many people with ADHD have difficulty falling asleep on time. This late onset of melatonin is driven by genes that regulate the biological clock, and those genes have been linked psychiatric disorders like ADHD and bipolar disorder (Landgraf et al, 2014). What the exact relationship is between this late sleep pattern and ADHD is still unknown.
Oh Hey Look It’s Me.
Huh.
Does anybody have any writing tips for adhd writers?
@quousque Do you have any helpful tips or resources?
@bookcaseninja @kingarthurscat hmmmm depends on what I’m writing, but I do have a bunch of methods that I’ve worked out that really help. Since most of what I write is academic papers (thanks, college), that’s what I have the most developed method for, but I do have strategies for fiction writing, too.
General tips:
#1 tip is meds. It’s nigh impossible to write anything when you can’t focus for longer than like 8 seconds. Me without meds = 2 sentences per hour. Me with meds = four hours writing continuously, end result is 20 pages of Iliad Sci-Fi AU.
#2 is, if you happen to hit that Hyperfocus Highway, and you’re writing something that’s vaguely close to what you’re supposed to be writing, ride that train until it fucking dies. A 25-page data-driven research paper isn’t quite the 7-10 page research-based persuasion essay I was assigned, but hey, it’s a complete assignment, and turning something in is better than turning nothing in.
#3, kill the perfectionist, or at least dodge them. Don’t have the perfect way to phrase something? Use parenthesis, or a different font color, and paraphrase what you want to say. My rough drafts are full of things like “hurrr something about how the prospective aspect /= imminent future” and “character x says something heartfelt here that makes character y mad”.
#4. Environment. Pay attention to what distracts you when you write, and design an environment where those things aren’t present. I have a really hard time writing anything in my own home or on my own computer, so I use google docs and the library for everything. This works really well, especially since I can’t remember by tumblr password so I can’t log on on the library computers, lol. There are internet blocking apps that block certain webpages or the entire internet for a set period of time. I once found a program that, once opened, won’t close or minimize until you’ve written a set number of words.
Random environmental tips that work for me:
-standing desk, or sitting on an exercise ball.
-white noise. There’s tons of white noise generators online.
-egg timer. If I’m having trouble with distractions or spending too long on one thing, having the constant soft ticking of the egg timer really helps, since the sound isn’t too distracting, but is just distracting enough to remind me that time is a thing that is actively passing.
#5. Don’t know what words to write next? Talk out loud. Or whisper, if you’re in the library. Seriously, read aloud what you’ve last written and then continue on with whatever you want to say next, letting yourself phrase it however it comes naturally. Write down what you say, even if it’s full of umms and likes, even if it’s shit, and edit it later.
#6. set tiny, tiny, goals, and do them one at a time. I’ll write out overviews of scenes, or, when I’m writing papers for classes, of individual paragraphs. The overview is basically one sentence or sentence fragment that states the main point, and a list of everything I need to make sure to include in that scene/paragraph. Then, I take each goal individually, one at a time. I don’t have to write a paper proving x thesis, I just have to write a paragraph explaining what I mean by “Scylla is a vagina metaphor”. If I do that enough, I suddenly have an entire paper.
My process for writing academic papers:
#1. Word vomit.
Open a new document and type everything you can think of onto the page. Talk about the prompt, your sources, your thoughts and opinions, whatever comes to mind. Opinions, especially, since that’s usually where your thesis ends up coming from. Get mad about it. Work yourself up. Yell about why everyone else is wrong about this topic, or why you’re right.
#2. Thesis and outline:
Read over your word vomit. Chances are, there’s a thesis somewhere in there. Your thesis is whatever you’re trying to prove, and your outline is why you’re right. Unless you’re completely pulling things out of your ass, “why you’re right” will be rooted in the text/sources you’re supposed to use. Now, write your thesis (aka your opinion), and make a list of reasons why you’re right.
E.G. “Obviously, x character is really feeling like (y) at this point in the book, because way back in chapter one, they said (blah blah blah), and later on they did (whatever), and when you put those two together, it’s like (this), and also because of (another reason).
That is a thesis, and four-ish sub-points. This is your outline. It doesn’t need to be any nicer than that. Make a new document, and put your thesis/outline there.
If you’re having trouble organizing it, figuring out what order your subpoints should come in, or even what your thesis really is, talk it out. Out loud. If you can’t find a willing victim to talk at, rubber duck it (i.e. grab a rubber duck or similar and explain it, out loud, to the duck).
#3: writing the body
Open a bunch of new documents, one for each sub-point in your outline. Copy-paste one sup-point into each document. Now, all you have to do is write several individual paragraphs explaining your subpoints. You’re not writing a whole essay (which is haaaard), and you don’t have to worry about what comes before or after each paragraph- that’s why you made an outline. Each document is its own isolated little task, and all you have to do is read that sentence, and spend a paragraph or two explaining what you mean by it. If you have any quotes or sources you think you’ll cite, copy/paste them into the document when you start.
#4. put it together
Once you have all your paragraphs written, copy/paste them into another doc, in order. Read it through, and add any transitions you need to make it flow. You might need to add a few more paragraphs or explanations, depending in how solid your outline was. Once you’ve done that, write your conclusion, then your introduction.
#5. Editing: Print your essay, and go at it with a pen/highlighter. Yes, you have to print it. Doing it physically makes it so much easier. While editing, I always create a to-do list, which includes things like, insert citations, format essay properly, make sure to re-phrase (x) paragraph, etc.
Read it out loud. It’s much easier to catch typos and awkward phrasing that way.
#6. While writing: keep the flow of writing. Don’t break it. If you know you need to cite a source for a certain statement, but can’t quite remember which one, just type (CITE) in place of a citation. You’ll come back in and fill it in later. Use ( ) or different text colors to mark where you think you need to go back and change later, but skip over whatever it is for now and just keep going.
Don’t let those random ideas die, or distract you! If you have an idea/thought, or think of something you need to do, but don’t want to break what you’re doing right then, either note it down in a separate doc as a to-do later, or change the font color to red and note it right in the middle of your draft.
#7 if you get stuck
ask yourself:
-What, precisely, am I stuck on? The phrasing of a sentence? The organization of this part? Some small task, such as looking up a quote? Framing your obstacle out loud in words can make it seem smaller and more conquerable.
-What is the next thing I need to do, right now, to make progress on this essay?
-If I’m truly stuck here, what other useful thing can I do, right now, to make progress?
Tips/strategies for writing stories:
My overall approach is basically a watered-down, less rigorous version of how I write academic papers. I word-vomit all about the story/idea I have, aiming to get at least a general plot overview. Then, I write a plot outline of the story, and break it into scenes. I make a new document for each scene, and put a bulleted list at the top of things to make sure to include in the scene, so that I can write each scene as its own individual unit, without having to constantly think about the whole product. Then I write!
I tend to produce pretty good prose on the first go-round, and I don’t spend a lot of time editing, because if I did, I’d never post anything. As my dad says, delivery is a feature! An imperfect product that is posted is infinitely better than a perfect product that no one ever sees.
I write good fiction prose because I read a lot of fiction prose, so I have a good innate understanding of what the kind of writing I want to produce looks like. When I want to describe something or narrate something, I have a general idea of what those parts of a story look like, so it’s easier for me to produce them on my own.
That being said, when editing, the #1 tip is still to read it aloud! You’ll easily catch any awkward phrases that way.
Motivation: ADHD brains are motivated by Interest, Challenge, Novelty, and Urgency. Waiting until the last minute to get that sweet, sweet Urgency Boost is not fun or healthy, so try to use one of the other ones. Interest is usually your best bet, especially when writing stories! Before you sit down to write, try to get excited. Read what you’ve already written, remind yourself why you wanted to tell this story in the first place, emotionally invest yourself in your characters. Read your outline/plan for the next scene, and get yourself excited to write it! If you can’t get excited about a scene, that’s a sign that that scene might just be boring- your readers probably won’t find it very interesting, either. Cut the scene, and try to fit any necessary plot info into a different scene (or just skip it altogether- readers are really good at filling in the blanks!)
Another way to motivate yourself is Tiny, Doable, Concrete, Time-Oriented Goals. I generally use this one more for academic papers than for stories, but it works for both. Set a small concrete goal with a solid endpoint (”generate preliminary outline” or “write this paragraph” is better than “write all body paragraphs”) Then, set yourself a time limit. 40 minutes is usually the max time limit that I find actually motivates me. Yours may be different (fyi the size of your tasks should be tailored to whatever time limit actually motivates you). Then, your only problem in life is to finish that task by the time limit, at which point, you’ll come up with the next task and a new time limit.
Ultra God Mode is creating an artificial sense of urgency to motivate yourself. I accomplish this with my Google Calendar, which I update twice a week (full disclosure: this is only possible for me because I have an ADHD coach, who sits me down and makes me update the calendar). I list everything I have to do for the week, generously estimate the time it’ll take, and literally schedule each individual thing on the calendar, including eating, laundry, etc. When I’m having trouble starting on or focusing on a task, I look at my calendar, and I can physically see the limited time that I have. There are big, colorful blocks filling up the whole page, and that makes it real to me that, if I don’t write this essay (that’s not due for a week) right now, in this block of time I have it scheduled for, there is literally no time for me to write it later, since the rest of the time is filled up with other stuff I have to do. So sometimes, I end up feeling that “due in five hours” urgency, a week before something is due!
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly:
ACCEPT AND CELEBRATE IMPERFECTION. I know I’ve talked about this above, but it really is true. This applies to everyone, but especially to people with ADHD. The sad reality of ADHD is that it is a disability, and our ideals and our goals will always be higher than what we can realistically achieve. And, since ADHD brains are incapable of emotional regulation, we are especially affected by feelings of failure. If you allow yourself to think of every missed goal or imperfect product as a failure, it’s gonna suck. Really hard. Allow yourself to re-define success. I might not have written the 50,000 word emotionally deep epic that I wanted to, but I published three chapters of a story that I wrote in my downtime, and I’m proud of that. I might not have updated that story in a month, but hey, I still published it. Be proud of what you do achieve, instead of beating yourself up for what you don’t.
On a more general note, the writing process is a physical thing that takes place on the page in front of you, especially for ADHD people. No one formulates the perfect writing piece all in their heads and then deposits it onto the page in the first go. Writing a whole bunch of shit says precisely nothing about you as a writer. Writing is a skill, and you’ll get a lot better at it by practicing a bunch of shit and meh writing, than by laboring to occasionally produce one perfect piece.
TL;DR: The general themes of all of my advice is break it down into tiny chunks, and get excited about it so you’re actually motivated to write, and learn how to call an imperfect product “good enough”.
Woot Woot!! I knew you were the one to ask! Thanks 😀
I recommend How I Wrote a Novel in 10 Months With Untreated ADHD by Verity Reynolds.
pan-left-close-on-the-steeple:
Adhd is not always genius level white boys whith tons of energy and fast reflexes
Sometimes it’s
Executive dysfunction so bad you couldnt shower for over a week
Or
A queer kid who thinks they’re broken because they dont fit the narritive.
Adhd is not always a gift in disguise, it can be debilitating
and alienating
and self esteem crushing.
How many times have you heard the phrase
“Not working to your full potential”?
Listen, im sorry if i didnt do my homework, but i didnt eat dinner until 11pm because i couldnt find the motivation to make anything.
I once repeatedly put off and forgot sending a thank you email to someone i had interviewed for a month.
It took me 3 weeks to make myself write a short essay, but once i did it, it took an hour. I got a 94% on the rubric, but failed because it was so late.
I have dealt with years of working through the voice in my head saying
Im lazy im lazy im lazy im bad im dirty im useless ill never amount to anything
Years of fear that i wont be able to survive on my own, that i’ll be too late and too disorganized and unmotivated.
I had to teach myself that motivation and productivity dp not define my worth. That being “lazy” doesnt make me less of a human being.
So sorry if your quirky hyper white boy narrative doesnt do it for me.
Why “doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety
A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.
This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.
You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind.
People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.
In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture.
Therefore, I present to you:
THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS
–Go on a walk
–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.
–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching
–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind
–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift
–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.
THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:
–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.
–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see.
–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in.
–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.)
–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety.
–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel.
–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless.
THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:
–List the capitals of all the U.S. states
–List the capitals of all the European countries
–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors.
–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.
–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.
Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself. I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too.
(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)
This would’ve been great an hour ago
If your anxiety includes rapid heartbeat for no reason then it may help to exercise! It helps for me because I’m focused on whatever moves I’m doing and breathing, and it gives my heart rate a reason to be that high so that I can start the slow cooking down process and (hopefully) bring that heart rate down with it. Look up a quick cardio workout on YouTube or something and just do it in your room!
This is so, SO true.
All ‘doing something relaxing’ ever did for me was give my brain MORE free time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT.
I like how this boil down to grabbing something then tell the brains weasels to GO FETCH YOU PIECES OF SHIT
I mean.
That’s basically it tho.
Yeah… One good thing about ADHD, I guess… the brain weasels are as distractable as the rest of me 😀
Of course, sometimes they also unlock hyperfocus mode, but, eh. Could be worse.
This advice is gold.







