executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either
ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.
I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.
anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such:
sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.
“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.
one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.
let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.
when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.
getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.)
“what was I trying to do?”
“was I trying to decide between two things?”
(the answer’s usually yes.)
“what were they?”
“okay, let’s decide.
“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.
so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”- then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”- and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.
and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛
I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!
a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!
!!!!
This sounds really useful and for some reason, I’m also really happy to find out that I’m not the only person who uses music to keep track of time
My biggest pet peeve is being talked to AS SOON as i wake up. I hate that shit. Stop tryin to communicate with me. Stop askin me questions. Im tryna understand the universe all over again dont talk to me yet ur gonna confuse me and piss me off.
⚠️ MORNING PEOPLE DO NOT INTERACT! ⚠️
I tell people that I am not a morning person and what they hear is ‘I purposely chose to stay up til the wee hours and then it’s my own fault for not getting enough sleep when I am awakened at a normal time when normal people should be up, and I just need to correct this failing to live a happier life’.
What I am ACTUALLY telling them is ‘I have delayed sleep phase disorder, where in my circadian rhythm is different from theirs and my brain does not produce melatonin the way theirs does. When I am forced to get up before I have had a full 9 hours sleep–especially if I am awakened during sleep cycle–I am working at an extremely reduced ability level and will be unable to work at my peak efficiency and effectiveness until the afternoon.
‘As a result, I may rely on caffeine and other stimulants for the first 5 hours of the day, which also contributes to insomnia, and burnout in the late afternoon means I may snack on carbs for the energy boost. It is the equivalent of having permanent jet lag such as when you are 5 hours off from everyone around you.
‘It is not something that can be cured, only a condition to manage, and requires the people around me to make reasonable accommodations such as not trying to force me to interact with them and be decisional when I first wake up.
‘I also have ADHD, which means I have difficulty working when there is noise and chatter preventing me from being able to concentrate. I need calm quiet to be able to do my best work, and the only time I actually have calm quiet is when the rest of the world is asleep.
‘During the day, I artificially create this quiet during the day, using noise-cancelling headphones when I am forced to work in a noisy environment, or by working alone in a quiet space. And when you deny me that quiet, I expend a tremendous amount of energy just trying to focus. And I am much more likely to miss steps, or make errors, affecting the quality of my work as well as how long it takes me to complete.’
And what people hear is ‘I am lazy and unwilling to change,’ when in reality THEY are the ones unwilling to change because it is inconvenient, or requires them to be considerate of others.
So, yeah. I am not a morning person.
Hey op
*are you me?*
This. ThisthisthisThisTHISTHISTHIS.
all of thiiiiiis.
Hi hi it’s me that description is me. I say as I desperately try to wind down for sleep.
A busker plays music for a blind autistic girl sitting in a wheelchair. She’s being allowed to stim (flapping and rubbing her shirt) and respond to the music her own natural way. The busker places her hand on the guitar to let her see what is creating the music, and she smiles as he sings to her.
They made a connection.
That is autism acceptance.
Take note. Many autistic people will open up to you like a flower if you gently connect with them in ways that work for them instead of forcing them to connect with you in ways that only work for you.
I hope that sweet kid grows up to be a musician or artist! 🙂
do you ever tire of how, like, dramatic anxiety is?? it’s like. bitch. bitch. it’s not that serious. we’ll live. it’ll probably be a pain in the ass, but we’ll live. so stop making me feel like i’m actively dying.
I have been saying for years that neurotypical people have NO IDEA HOW BORING anxiety and depression are. It’s not so much, ‘OMG, the world is ending, how will I cope????’ but ‘Seriously? Again? Bitch, I GOT SHIT TO DO. Outside. You know, the place I’m having a panic attack at thinking about going. FFS, GET IT TOGETHER.’
“The problem with people quantifying that richness is that they completely forget it is infinite compared to the broadest of humanity’s finite capacities. A similar problem happens when people try to quantify personhood. The richness I experience of the world is not merely a more limited version of other people’s experiences. My experiences have their own richness that other people may not be able to see.”
knitting in the dark 