Dear #actuallyautistic and #askanautistic

watchkeyphone:

Talk to me about your experiences with being temporarily and/or partially nonverbal?

I still can’t figure out if I’ve ever experienced it. A lot of the ‘official’ information (e.g. books) about autism doesn’t seem to mention it as a thing that sometimes happens to people who can usually speak – but it seems like the vast majority of usually-speaking autistic people mention it as a personal experience.

The closest thing I can think of that I have experienced is a few different thing:

1. When I get kind of ‘hyper-verbal’ when I’m overloaded, and my speech is very garbled and quick, and isn’t really communicating anything I want to say. E.g. I respond to a question quickly without realising and I say something that is the opposite of my actual opinion.

2. There are sometimes times when I have trouble putting a thought into words or working out how to respond to something (e.g. a vague question), but this doesn’t seem to fit the usual descriptions of being nonverbal? Because it’s normally due to the context and specific to the thing that I’m trying to say (e.g. I can’t explain one specific thing, but I can easily tell the other person that I can’t explain it), rather than a ‘global’ inability to speak.

3. Times when i am very reluctant to speak and it feels like a bit struggle to get words out. In this case its more often to do with the person I’m speaking to- usually when I’m socially tired and I really don’t want to spend the energy on interacting. But it’s not impossible for me to speak – I usually just keep my responses brief to try and stop the interaction from lasting a long time (and I can get irritable if people try to keep going).

So. Tell me about how it feels when you become nonverbal? Are you ever ‘partly’ nonverbal in any of the ways I describe? Would you consider them ‘types’ of nonverbal-ness, or just other facets of autistic communication differences? Is it possible/plausible that I’ve never been ‘fully’ nonverbal? Is it possible to have been nonverbal and not noticed? (infodumps greatly appreciated – reblogs/asks/submissions welcome)

The times I have actually experienced this are:

1. When I’m overloaded/having a meltdown/super frustrated or emotional. It’s like a ‘block’. The words are in my head, or, at least the feeling of what I want to communicate is, but I can’t make my mouth move to say them or translate what I’m feeling and force it out. When the overload or whatever passes, it eases off and talking becomes possible again, though fully unhindered speech may take time.

2. During sex, to a lesser degree. Rather than impossible, I often find forming words really hard when I’ve got all that sensory input, and taking the focus off enjoying myself and putting it into co-ordinating speech is kind of annoying, so I don’t tend to try unless I have to (i’m uncomfortable/in pain, i’m oversensitive, etc), or I’ve been asked a direct question that needs answering, like, ‘am I hurting you?’, ‘do you need more lube?’ or, ‘what do you need? (if something’s not doing it for me)’.

autisticliara:

a little post of cool stimmy things and where to find them

  • thimbles (anywhere that sells sewing or craft supplies)
  • tangle toys
  • space bracelets ( 1, 2, 3, 4 )
  • how to make rainbow suds
  • how to make/ where to buy glitter jars
  • play dough/ plasticine (any where that sells toys)
  • chew bracelets/ necklaces
  • put some craft glue ( can be found anywhere that sells craft supplies ) on your skin and pick it off throughout the day
  • if you go to a place that sells fabrics, find a fabric you like and ask for a sample, you should be able to get a little bit of that fabric free of charge instead of buying a big chunk of fabric that you don’t need (please don’t abuse this though)
  • a calming playlist

neurowonderful:

This photoset is dedicated to the people who have been sending me anonymous asks lately about how cute I am, about how nice my makeup looks in my videos, and about how they feel less-sparkly in comparison. The first two things are really nice to hear and I always appreciate sweet messages, but the last thing is sad to hear, especially from fellow chronically ill people and people with sensory issues.

These no-makeup selfies were all taken within the last twelve months. It’s important to keep in mind that I spend about an hour doing my makeup before filming my Ask an Autistic episodes, so the internet is really only ever seeing the prettiest, least-tired/sick looking version of myself. It’s the same way for lots of youtubers.

Most often I live in pyjamas, Marvin’s old t-shirts, and oversized sweatshirts, with messy hair and without a stitch of makeup to conceal the dark circles under my eyes or lengthen my eyelashes. And even in these selfies I am smiling and posed in a flattering way, so if we were speaking in person right now, I would look even farther from my appearance in my videos.

I am Amythest whether I am wearing makeup or not. Both versions are the “real me”, and I’m generally okay with how I look either way, but my youtube self is carefully crafted to be very feminine and fall in line with societal standards of beauty. I don’t look like that even three days out of the week. Please don’t compare yourself (or what kind of hygiene/beauty regime you can manage) to other people, especially not me. It’s so important to love yourself, or at least not be tearing yourself down. The world will do enough of that for us.

You are all super and great and cute, and I love you!

I’m not wearing one of my three Neurodiversity shirts, but I am wearing my Irlen tints (always) and my therapy vest. It’s squishy and warm and comfortable, and it leaves my arms and hands free to knit, unlike a weighted blanket or whatever would. And yes, I DO wear it in public. Fuck society and the beauty standard, I’ll wear a squishy pastel rainbow vest if I want to.

Quiet mental MPU obsession of the day:

the-wordbutler:

I’ve talked a little on here (without fleshing it out too much because I’m ages from using it) about how Bucky screwed up his shoulder in the service, how it bothers him now and will bother him worse in the future. But I’ve spent a lot of time recently thinking about Steve and Bucky’s friendship with Sam and Riley, how they hang out together, and how they’re probably that clump of friends who hang out at all the church events to the point where the old ladies serving the punch just call them The Barneses and the Wilsons, like they’re one big unit.

(Steve’s never offended when the old church ladies call him by Bucky’s last name. Riley pulls a face every time.)

But Sam and Riley both served, too, and that led me to the thought of Riley being seriously injured before his discharge. Like, maybe that’s why they left the service: Riley was badly hurt and couldn’t return, and Sam worked as hard as he could to follow him out. Which is maybe why they have a (big, dopey, wonderful) service dog at home, why Sam spends a lot of his free time kicking around the VA (Riley maybe works there, a page from the movie since Sam’s a law student in this), why sometimes Steve and Bucky drop off a crockpot meal or something when Sam sends one of those texts before church on Sunday:  rough night and morning, see you next week.

I’m not sure if Riley’s wounds are physical or not (I play with the idea of a lost limb, maybe a leg), but mentally, it’s rough, sometimes.

And when Dot first notices—because you know she will, she’s smart and observant (like both her daddies)—she just tips her head to the side and asks when Riley’ll be better. “Sick people get better,” she says when Steve blinks at her, exasperation in her tone. “Riley and Sam miss church when Riley’s sick, so when will he stop being sick and be better?”

Steve’s face is soft when he crouches down in front of her. “Remember a long time ago, when we talked about why Uncle Tony’s sometimes so … ” He searches for a good word, and he rolls his eyes when Bucky mouths unglued. “Why Uncle Tony goes a million miles an hour like he’s had way too much chocolate?” Dot nods, and Steve forces a little smile. “Remember why we said Uncle Tony does that?”

“Because his brain’s not always nice to him,” Dot reports. 

“Right. And Riley’s brain isn’t very nice to him, either.” Steve brushes hair out of her face. “And sometimes, that means he and Sam stay home from church and cuddle with Captain Fluffybritches.”

Bucky snickers the way he always snickers at the dog’s name—“He came up with it,” Sam’d exclaimed back when they’d landed the dog, and Riley’d rolled his eyes at him—but Dot frowns. “Do lots of people have mean brains?” she asks.

“More than you’d think,” Steve tells her, and she nods like she understands.

Riley’s a little more grounded by the time they bring over a bucket of chicken and all the sides that night, and Sam invites them to stay for dinner. “Even if this is half a watermelon away from a stereotype,” he criticizes.

“Only for one of us,” Riley calls after him, and then Dot’s sort of tossing herself around his waist like she’s missed him, which is weird for Dot and Riley’s relationship. (Most of the time, they play dress up and engage in very serious meta-analysis of the latest Sofia the First episode.) Steve and Bucky flinch like they want to apologize, but Riley lights up like a sunrise. “What, did you miss my off-key singing this morning?”

Dot shakes her head before she glances up at him. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you have a mean brain, and I hope it gets less mean like my Uncle Tony’s did after he went to the Four Trees place.”

Bucky face-palms, Steve blushes, and Sam laughs hard enough that he almost drops KFC all over the floor. But Riley just grins at her and ruffles her hair. “I hope it works that way, too,” he says, and then he leads Dot off to find the plastic flower crown she wears every time she comes over.

I liked this scrap that you wrote about Dot and Riley, I think because as a disabled person, and as the partner of a disabled person, I have feelings about how people talk about disabled people in our society. The line that stood out for me is ‘sick people get better’, because, although it’s a four-year-old saying it, that’s the prevailing view of society, that illness, injury and disability are things you ‘get better’ from, and really, that’s not always the case, but no one seems to want to admit that – that there are people in our society, in our schools, in our workplaces, in our churches and in our culture, who don’t get well, who won’t ever get better, but who are just as human as they are, and who belong just as much as an able-bodied or able-minded person does. People get uncomfortable when you challenge that, too. I went for disability payment after my diagnosis, and the person processing me said something about ‘maybe in the future’ and I corrected her saying ‘no, I’m autistic, it’s neurological, I was born this way and it’s permanent’, and she responded instantly that I was being pessimistic and defeatist. I wasn’t. But no one wants to accept that disabled people aren’t part of some inspiration porn story that ends with them being able-bodied or able-minded at the end or ‘just as good as’. Our society shouldn’t be a club with the worthy being accepted and the rest on the fringes, but it is. And until able-bodied and able-minded people accept that we’re worthy just as we are, without ‘overcoming’ anything, that’s the way it’s going to stay.

is it okay to not have a stim anymore because of being scolded for it and/or pressure to be a “normal kid”? because that’s what happened to me and i feel like i don’t belong here because i’ve pretty much hid most if not all of my stims that can’t be mistaken for fidgeting.

fuckyeahstimming:

disability-positivity:

Absolutely! Stimming isn’t something that makes someone “more” or “less” autistic or any more or less welcome in the community.

Your identity is valid and so is the way you stim (or don’t). ❤

– Cap

The being scolded for it/pressure to be a “normal kid” sounds sucky and terrible but you’re still welcome and valid and all that. ❤

I wrote about this in my autobiographical piece, (In)visible Stimming in a Pre-Asperger World. You’re not alone. There are plenty more of us out there whose stimming behaviours have been affected by people around us, whether through pressure to conform by family or teachers or therapists, or by bullying.

autisticadvocacy:

[5 different tangles in different colors and textures.]

autisticmakishima:

hello! this is my giveaway celebrating having 500 followers.

Rules:

  • you must be autistic
  • you must be okay with giving me your address to send the prize if you win.
  • reblogs and likes count as an entry!
  • you don’t have to be following me to enter but it would be cool if you did. 
  • if you are not autistic and want to reblog this post to signal boost it please reblog with “signal boost” in the comments or tags.

First place:
A choice of either a fuzzy tangle (is a velvety texture) or a lumpy tangle (has plastic bumps on it). if you don’t like the textures of either of these you can also choose one of the plain plastic ones.

Second place:

A choice of a plain tangle in either red black (i have this one) or blue.

Giveaway will end on 18th September 2014 and i will be using random.org to pick the winners.

New Tangle, I needs it, precious, I does. 😀