National Coming Out Day is coming up (October 11) and I just want to remind everyone:
1) Please do not out anyone (even if you “think you are doing them a favor.” Trust me when I say you aren’t) and make sure you don’t accidentally do so.
2) It is okay to be in the closet. Please do not feel pressure to/obligated to come out because there so happens to be a Coming Out Day. (Do it for you if it’s what you want).
3) don’t “come out” as LGBT+ as a joke. Don’t “come out” as kinky/a furry/whatever, either.
4) Don’t force/coerce your friends and/or loved ones to come out, and do not get mad at them if they choose to stay closeted.
5) don’t come out as an ally
6) It’s okay to come out even if you don’t know for sure what you identify as yet, or if you’ve decided you don’t want a label.
7) It’s okay to come out again if your identity has changed. Coming out as gay is different to coming out as bi, for example, and coming out as trans is different to coming out as butch lesbian, and coming out as one of the flavours of queer is different to coming out as a label people have a more concrete understanding of. You are you, and who you are grows and changes over time. Doing it again doesn’t mean you were wrong or lying the previous time/s.
8) What you come out as is up to you. I use queer these days, but I have used lesbian in the past, because it’s shorthand and easier than saying ‘biromantic gender-nonconforming demisexual woman in a committed relationship with another woman’. I don’t have to lay out that though I’m probably on the bi or pan spectrum, I don’t identify as either of those because men are ‘unsafe’ for various reasons for me, and if I was dating rather than in a long-term relationship, if I was looking for a partner, I would be looking at pretty much any gender but male. I don’t have to explain that attraction for me is a fluctuating thing, and my sex drive is, too. I don’t have to explain that I don’t identify as transgender, but I feel that most of the construct of what people think of as ‘female’ doesn’t work for me either. I just say queer. And for those who don’t or won’t understand queer, I say lesbian, and that makes most people happy because I’ve put myself in a box they can understand, even if it’s not strictly true. If calling yourself a label like ‘gay’ when you come out makes it easier or safer for you, then use it. It’s a tool, not a shackle.











