meimagino:

bpdkageyamatobio:

I hate how asking “am I annoying you” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

literal actual pro tip, because i used to do this, along with “are you mad at me?” (which, as you know, results in people getting mad at you.)

try asking instead “how are you feeling?” or “i know you’re probably not [x emotion], but i’m having a rough day, could you reassure me that we’re cool?” that way, the focus is on either finding out how they actually feel in that moment, or on the fact that you need reassurance. they shouldn’t get upset that you’ve “assumed” (i know we don’t have control over it!) how they are feeling, because you haven’t said anything of the sort! you’ve only asked how they are feeling or if they can reassure you.

the trick here is making sure you’re surrounding yourself with people who are willing to be honest about how they feel + provide reassurance. (people who are not willing/able to do this should probably not be your close friends, though. idk about you all, but friendships like that are full of doubt and anxiety for me.)

As an autistic/adhder who struggles with reading vocal tone and expression, I rely on ‘am I annoying you’ and ‘are you angry’ on a regular basis because I genuinely need to know this information. ‘How are you feeling’ is useful if I actually want to know the other person’s general state of mind but the former are NEEDED because they are specific and to me, bored, thinking about something, tired, in pain and annoyed ALL LOOK THE SAME. Unless I ask, I am uncertain, and I might make my partner annoyed by misreading a situation. ASKING COSTS NOTHING and she answers me honestly. It saves time and stress on both our parts. I need specifics. Generalities might work for others, but for a lot of ND people, brutal, truthful nonambigious honesty is so, so much better. YMMV, but that’s my personal preference. I understand puns and idioms, but NT doublespeak? Why don’t NT people just say what they meeeeean? Seriously.