So today is a bad day. I just had a bath with my Sakura bath bomb, @kath-ballantyne is making me food, and we may make pear ice cream later with the little corella pears that never ripened that she put in to roast in the oven.

Which is all lovely. But it felt like the hardest thing in the world to even move. I couldn’t go to the gym even though the exercise might help because just the thought of leaving the house made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.

When I get like this it’s paralysing. I know I’m hungry but I can’t do anything about it. I am literally unable to open my mouth and say, “I need food.” The words are there, the need to eat is there, but I cannot speak, let alone go to the kitchen, look at what we have and come up with a meal, even if that meal is just juice drunk from the carton.

I can’t focus enough to read, even when I know escapism would be helpful. I can’t game. The will to do things is there, but the actual ability is as inaccesible to me as if I never had it at all.

I left the water in the bath. I may get in it again later, if I need to.