Don’t know if this is still on, but worth a shot :)“What is the rule?” he asked. DJ held up a leg. “Yes. You managed the main rule, the ‘there must be pants’ rule. I’m proud of you.” He kind of was. DJ hated clothing. Steve was better about getting him into a full outfit, but with Tony, the Stark Stubbornness kicked in far too often. Tony had settled on pants. They could work on shirts and socks and shoes and the rest of that shit later. Right now, he was happy about the pants.“So you have pants

scifigrl47:

 As the mother of an autistic child, one with an aversion to certain types of clothes, to seams, to matching socks, to materials etc and I loved how this was explored with DJ and I wondered if this was deliberate (A lot of DJ matches things on the spectrum) or just a coincidence

Yes.  It’s deliberate.

Many of DJ’s traits are based on those of those on the autism spectrum, including his difficulty with sensory processing, his inability to easily or accurately read facial expressions and his literal reading of many situations, his need for order and control.  A lot of things in the stories point to the way he processes his world, and how the people in his family deal with his needs.

I have never explicitly stated that DJ is/would be diagnosed as on the spectrum.  That’s because DJ is an AI magically transformed into a child.  He’s a unique case, but what I did not want to do was draw a comparison between real life people on the spectrum and robotic AIs.  

This is a group that already struggles against a lot of unpleasant stereotypes and misunderstandings.  I do my best not to propagate things like this, so what I tried to do is write a sympathetic, well loved character who relates to the world in a way that could best be described as neurologically atypical. 

He is presented as a child who handles and processes things in a way that is different from the rest of his ‘family.’  This isn’t unusual in the real world.  It’s also not unusual for family members to struggle with the differences that they can’t fully understand.  It takes different people differing amounts of time to come to terms with what a child, what another person, needs.

That came up in the socks scene.  

Steve has been observing, determining what DJ needs, what makes him comfortable, what small alterations can be made in a daily routine to make DJ happy and productive.  Steve gives him time warnings.  Provides him with structure, and makes his expectations clear.  He communicates in clear language, and checks in repeatedly to make certain that DJ understands and is comfortable with what is happening.

Steve has researched things, and as an adult, he’s adjusted his own expectations and needs to match his child’s.  I imagine his own mother did the same, for her sick and stubborn son.  I imagine that Sarah Rogers, while not a saint, had done everything she could to make Steve’s life easier, to protect him, to raise him with love and acceptance.

She was a nurse who could not cure her son, but she could make him as comfortable as she could.

Tony struggles a bit more.  Tony was raised with expectations.  Tony is aware of public scrutiny in a way that Steve isn’t.  Tony was raised with constant reminders that he was being judged, at all times, by a lot of different people.  Tony looks at the socks, looks at a lot of different things, and doesn’t see a need, he sees something small that DJ could easily do to avoid needless problems.

He does’t understand that just because something is easy for him, doesn’t make it easy for DJ.  That DJ has different needs, and different levels of comfort.  

Tony fights to understand, and he doesn’t always get it, but he’s trying.   Just like a lot of other people’s, Tony’s growth takes effort, and he slips from time to time.  Not because he doesn’t love DJ.  But because he does not understand, and understanding takes education and effort.

He was raised by people who did value appearances, who expected their son to be part of their perfect family.  Tony fights against that, a lot.  It’s another thing that has to be unlearned.

DJ is unique.  But yes.  He is based on various individuals I’ve known on the spectrum. I’ve been helped quite a bit by friends and readers, who have helped me adapt his personality and outlook, and I’ve been gratified by the response of readers, especially by those who identify as being on the spectrum themselves. 8)