[From Captain America #15, 2003.]
But seriously though, this is always something I’ve thought about a lot in relation to Steve. Because Steve is super-committed when it comes to almost EVERYTHING. Justice, freedom, equality, civil rights, doing the Right Thing, trying to be the best person he can be, trying to see the good in all people, to being Captain America, and an Avenger, and leading by example. Steve generally doesn’t do anything by half-measures. When he’s in, he’s ALL IN.
Except when it comes to romantic relationships, which he has an oddly casual go-with-the-flow approach to. Which has always struck me as odd considering the rest of Steve’s personality. But he keeps having all these on-and-off relationships where he’s together with whoever for a couple weeks/months and then for whatever reason they amicably part ways, and he’s not overly bothered by it other than perhaps a bit of melancholy. He’s got a very ‘oh well, maybe next time will work?’ attitude and doesn’t fight tooth and nail to try to keep relationships together like he does with, well, everything else in his life.
Instead Steve is like ‘ok, if we’re not working, we’re not working. It was nice being together. Good luck on whatever you choose to do after this, I wish you all the best.’ (Which, don’t get me wrong, it is great that Steve can be on good terms with basically every ex he’s ever had). And that his rationale for dating some of the people he’s date who haven’t been long-term love interests, (like Sharon or Bernie,) seems to boil down to ‘they seem like a nice person, maybe I will give this a go again’. Which is a pretty wishy-washy reason for dating someone, IMO. ‘You are a non-objectionable, caring person, (who is hopefully not a super-villain,) ok, we can give this a go’. Really?
Like where is the spark and the passion? (I will give Bernie credit here, because I could really feel the love when they were together, but even other long-term love interests like Sharon and Rachel seem like just something that is convenient for both them and Steve at the time, as opposed to something that either of them are really committed to actually making last).
And from all of this I’ve always kind of gotten the feeling that Steve dates most of the people he dates based on what he THINKS he should want as opposed to what he ACTUALLY wants. So he has this ideal image of the kind of person he should fall in love with…which is not necessarily the type of person that work well as his partner long-term. And that, because he can’t have that white-picket-fence dream that he has the image of in his mind, he isn’t going to have anything/get to be happy at all? Without really considering that he could have something different, and it may be just as good or better. Its one of the times where I see Steve’s tendency to get really set in his ways is just sabotaging himself.
Then combine this with the fact that Steve has this kind of casual disdain/self-hate for himself back when he was tiny and weak and sick, (any arc where Steve is de-serumed or something similar make this REALLY obvious,) and this goes into some really interesting territory. Because on one hand, Steve really wants, desperately, for people to see him as Steve, as just another guy, not Captain America: larger than life patriotic symbol and hero. But he also kind of dislikes who he was before the serum when he didn’t have the physical strength to fight for everything he believed like he does now, along with the isolation, the bullying, having doors slammed in his face, stuck with dreaming because he couldn’t be DOING. And so I think he actually kind of dismisses a lot of the ‘tiny Steve’ thoughts, (which to me ARE the wistful dreams, the doubts, the insecurities, and all the creativity,) in favour of the ‘big Steve’ thoughts, (which covers all his morals, beliefs, and convictions. the ‘big picture thoughts’ that are bigger than one man and have to be stood up for,) in his head. Because the ‘big Steve’ thoughts are so much more important, and the ‘tiny Steve’ thoughts…well, he was kind of pathetic back then. (The storyline in Avenging Spider-Man #5 is like the PERFECT example of this to me). which leads to this disconnect between who Steve sees himself as and what he’s actually FEELING. Because ‘big Steve’s views/desires and ‘tiny Steve’s views/desires do not overlap all the time.
So, I can’t help but think that it’s ‘big Steve’ that’s the half that makes all the relationship decisions, and then wonders when he just keeps drifting away from partners and nothing really lasts. Because I think ‘tiny Steve,’ not ‘big Steve,’ is actually the part of him that knows what would REALLY make him happy. But he hasn’t really been listening to ‘tiny Steve’ for a long time, in any situation where ‘big Steve’ and ‘tiny Steve’ actually disagree. So he just ends up feeling confused and not being able to figure out what it is that he’s really searching for.
And, well, it’s kind of hard to figure out what will make someone else really happy when you can’t figure out what makes YOU really happy.
I also think this is a not-small factor in Steve’s often STAGGERING tendency to be completely oblivious to the emotions/distress/love/stress that the people around him are going through until things just blow up.
Oh, god, thank you for this post. I have the similar thought, but I also draw the line bitween Steve Rogers and Captain America. Captain doesn’t act as he wants, he is acting as it should be, as others expect.
Like with Falcon:
He is passive in relationships with women – Bernie and Sharon have always made the first move. Hana didn’t -> nothing happened.
The only time (or one of the few), when Steve first kissed Sharon and decided to try them again, suprise Sharon a lot.
Anyway, totally agree with post.
(sorry for my English)
I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged this at some point, but I felt the need to do so again because of the new run of Captain America:
Sharon blatantly points out that she had to ask him otherwise Steve probably never would.
And this, this is what bothered me the most: not the fact that he’s thinking of saying “yes” to Sharon, but his whole attitude about marriage. It really is strange that someone, like Steve, who is usually so proactive and committed isn’t that way when it comes to relationships. If anything, those values are made most evident in relationships. Personally, I don’t think much good can come from a marriage that he thinks “might not be so bad,” but I guess we’ll see.
Published
knitting in the dark 