msbeeinmybonnet:

Part I

WARNING: explicit discussion of suicidal behaviour and all that entails

Still with me? Excellent, I have so much more heartbreak in store for you.

We left off with Steve escaping SHIELD custody after yet another death-defying stunt. From this point on, I actually don’t have much to comment on for a while. Steve continues being stupidly brave but not more so than normal. He has a mission now, and a responsibility to see it through, so he doesn’t take as many reckless risks as he has before. He knows that if he fails, there isn’t anyone else to pick up the slack; if he falls, it’s game over.

For example, when the missile hits Zola’s computer brain, Steve acts much less recklessly. He finds a possible hiding place, pulls Natasha with him and shields them both. I honestly suspect that if Steve hadn’t felt like he had a purpose, he would be more concerned with Natasha being safe than himself, instead of the 50/50 kind of thing we get in the movie.

But let’s flashforward to another turning point: the reveal that the Winter Soldier is actually Bucky Barnes.

Oh man, I love that moment. It is perfectly shot and I have gushed about it before, especially about how the movie lets Steve be frozen with shock. Steve, who has fought tooth and nails to evade HYDRA capture, isn’t even present enough to get on his knees when ordered to by Rumlow. That is how shaken he is.

It was him. He looked right at me… He didn’t even know me.

And that is the moment Steve comes to his decision: the first priority is taking down SHIELD and HYDRA, because there is a quickly-approaching deadline on that. But the second that is taken care of, it’s Bucky. Only Bucky. He is going to save Bucky from HYDRA and won’t accept any other outcome. Failure through death is not an option, unless they die together.

But I’m getting ahead of myself again. Maria Hill is a BAMF and rescues the trio and takes them to the safehouse where they regroup and form a plan. And here is the next interesting thing. They are all preparing themselves for the final push, the hail mary, the now-or-never attack, and what does Steve do?

He thinks of Bucky.

 

He thinks of when Bucky promised him I’m with you til the end of the line, of Bucky offering to carry Steve on his shoulders. He doesn’t think of battle strategies, or of HYDRA, or even of the Winter Soldier. His world has narrowed down to Bucky, because when Steve decides on something, he gets the worst case of tunnel-vision known to man. He knows HYDRA must be stopped but it’s secondary to his quest to save Bucky; it’s only Steve’s sense of duty that keeps him from leaving HYDRA to the rest of the gang.

This marks a massive change. Earlier in the movie Steve recieved an external purpose; a responsibility was placed upon him which he felt he had to uphold out of duty. He is emotionally invested in it, of course, but it’s because of his ideals and beliefs and a little bit of hunger for revenge, as well as betrayal. Now that he knows Bucky is alive and held captive, he gets an internal purpose; no-one has told him that he has to save Bucky, it’s something he tells himself. He is beyond emotionally invested in this purpose, his entire everything is invested in rescuing Bucky. It’s like the difference between an important assignment at work and the novel you write in your free time. In the former case, you do it because you know you should and people depend on you to do it. In the latter, you do it only for yourself and pour your heart and soul into the endeavour.

This is very important to remember as I move onto the scene on the helicarrier. Lots of things happen in-between, of course, but I won’t cover them here. Actually, I will not even go into detail on the fight itself either, because I’ve done that before and I will just once again direct you all to marlowe-tops’ masterpiece on the subject. No, what I want to focus on is what happens after Steve inserts the chip.

 

The first mission is done. HYDRA has been stopped. With the replacement of that chip, 12 million people have been saved. Steve’s mission is over.

Now there is only Bucky.

Bucky, whom Steve dives down to save, heedless of his own injuries, because Bucky is in danger. He doesn’t have to keep himself alive to complete his mission anymore; he only has to stay alive for Bucky. Which might not be long, considering the helicarrier is nose-diving into the Potomac.

I have no doubt that Steve is certain that Bucky is somewhere inside the Winter Soldier, but he probably thinks he’s rapidly running out of time to reach him before it’s a moot point. So what does he do? He throws the first fight in his life.

 

Steve: You know me.

Winter Soldier: No, I don’t!

Steve: Bucky. You’ve known me your whole life.

Steve: Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.

Steve: I’m not gonna fight you. You’re my friend.

Winter Soldier: You’re my mission!

Steve: Then finish it. ‘Cause I’m with you til the end of the line.

 

Look at him. He rolls with the punches. He accepts them and doesn’t make any attempt at defending himself. He tears off his helmet and declares his refusal to fight. He drops his shield into the Potomac because he has no more use for it. Bucky doesn’t need Captain America, he probably never did; he needs Steve.

So it’s going to be Steve.

Even when the Winter Soldier gives Steve the worst beating since his pre-serum days, Steve doesn’t so much as shield himself. He is offering himself to the punishment.

Because that’s what it is. Punishment. Penance, even. It’s fitting, actually, that it’s Bucky himself who punishes Steve for letting him die. I don’t even think Steve is self-loathingly enjoying the pain; he simply sees it as perfectly fair that he gets to feel a fraction of the hell Bucky has been put through.

And if that means he’ll go down in flames with Bucky… Well. He’s with him til the end of the line.

Nothing will convince me that Steve wasn’t ready to die with Bucky in that moment. He didn’t even attempt to get either of them off the helicarrier; he let the Winter Soldier beat him black and blue while just lying down, because hurting Bucky is unthinkable. He only managed it before because at first he had no idea it was Bucky, and later he had to or innocents would die – and even then he pulled his punches. The look on Steve’s face during their previous fight is pure anguish because that is Bucky and he’s hurting him.

We also see an eerie kind of peace in Steve as he falls and later nearly drowns, and I don’t believe we can attribute all of it to Steve being halfway unconscious. Compare Steve’s fall to Bucky’s: Bucky was panicked, reaching out towards Steve and screaming, while Steve quietly falls with a limp body. The situations are different, yes, but usually you freak out at least a little bit when you suddenly find yourself falling.

But not Steve. Probably because he, again, sees it as fair. It has a nice kind of symmetry to it all, and as a movie buff, I’m sure Steve appreciates narrative parallels. (As to why he’s not screaming for Bucky who is still hanging on, my belief is that Steve can’t actually see him at that point and is assuming Bucky is falling as well.)

Then we have the beautifully shot underwater scene where the Winter Soldier saves Steve’s life. The last shot before the screen fades to black, when we see the metal arm reaching out to us, is a POV shot. This is very important to remember. It was Steve who saw the hand, not just us in the audience. This is subtly confirmed when Steve wakes up in the hospital bed, because he turns his head ever so slightly to the left, to the direction the Winter Soldier’s hand came from, the last thing he was aware of. He remembers being saved, and realizes the implications as he takes in the hospital room he lies in.

Which brings me to the end of the movie and, incidentally, my last point.

This scene marks the end of Steve’s personal arc during this movie. He turns down the offer of an external purpose – we’ve been data-mining HYDRA files, looks like a lot of rats didn’t go down with the ship – because he instead chooses his internal purpose – there’s something I’ve gotta do first. He no longer needs anyone to give him a purpose, because he’s found one himself.

At the start of this movie Steve was an isolated island, but now he’s found a bridge. It’s small and rickety and dangerous as all hell, but it leads to Bucky, and that makes it worth every risk. He’s also made friends that he feels he can trust, further anchoring him in this new world. It goes slowly, but he’s starting to build a new life here in this century. But most important of all, he feels he has a reason to live again.

Steve has a reason to live again, because it sure as hell isn’t going to be Captain America who rescues Bucky. It’s going to be that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.

‘Cause I’m with you til the end of the line.

(gif sources: 1 piney49 & 2 brigantes & 3 kirknspock & 4 yourcannibalneighbour & 5-6 wintersoldir & 7-8 hiddlesy & 9 thenightshalllastforever & 10-13 brigantes & 14-15 maria-sokoli* & 16 yourcannibalneighbour)

*turns out they’re a plagiarism blog – please tell me if you know the original source!